The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
i always knew about fight, flight, or freeze but i just found out about "fawn" and wow i didn't know i could have the most embarrassing stress response.
— emily may (@emilykmay) June 16, 2024
I know my brother and his gf are fighting when I receive a text like this pic.twitter.com/8aU7b4GYzx
— Alexis Nowicki (@flyschola1) June 16, 2024
i loveeee topo chico because it’s like… what if water fought you when you tried to drink it
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) June 17, 2024
human eyes are not meant to see a naked body wearing an apple watch
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) June 15, 2024
before washing my hair: the world is bad and i am bad
— erin chack (@ErinChack) June 18, 2024
after washing my hair: there is poetry everywhere, in the cracks of the sidewalk, in the great ocean of the sky. here, child. have $20 from my wallet.
My mom passed away 10 years ago and left us all jewelry for our wedding day. My aunt just gave me mine because she said she may be dead by the time that happens
— Kristina Hart (@edgykristina) June 15, 2024
One day you're young and cool, the next Amazon is sending you a deal they think you'll like and it's a sponge holder
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 18, 2024
Noam Chomsky sounds like the legal name of the very hungry caterpillar
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 19, 2024
recently learned that when my sister moved to nyc she only brought two suitcases-one for clothes and one for her entire childhood collection of snow globes. she was like “clothes? check. wallet? check. 16 fragile, glass snow globes that recall the winters of my youth? check”
— chase (@_chase_____) June 16, 2024
my ex bf from high school just looked at my linkedin profile..i’ve still got it.
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) June 19, 2024
Men are so unserious. My brother’s friend had an allergic reaction all over his skin so they are now calling him ‘Rashford’.
— Au(a) (@giamorx) June 14, 2024
you can tell a couple has broken up when the girl starts posting nicely lit photos of themselves and the guy starts posting a photo of a sandwich with the flash on captioned "ham and cheese"
— meeka (@MeekyBlinders) June 18, 2024
Got catcalled** at Walgreens today
— Sarah York (@thesarahyork) June 19, 2024
**some guy said “CEREAL TIME” as I walked by with a huge box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch
I always judged elderly couples who can't function apart, but occasionally my husband sleeps in, and since he makes the coffee, I just don't have coffee those days. I want coffee but alas. Unsolvable problem
— sarah (@sarahradz_) June 17, 2024
just witnessed a white man say “happy holidays” to a cashier at a jamaican restaurant lol
— juliana (@thecityofjules) June 19, 2024
Student: What was it like growing up in the 90s?
— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) June 15, 2024
Me: Everything smelled like cucumber melon but the music was amazing
Can't wait for him to fall in love with a President's son. https://t.co/ULOmzRKMKa
— Doe ♡ (@DoeEyedGirlie) June 15, 2024
“This is going to ruin the tour,” I whisper when my PTO request gets denied
— Danielle Sepulveres 🌻 (@ellesep) June 19, 2024
I almost ordered BBQ today but it was going to be $77.92, so instead I made a tuna sandwich for $1.88. So I guess there is a price on happiness. It's $76.04.
— Amanda B (@amandajpanda) June 15, 2024
man sitting on the same couch as me at the coffee shop, who I said “bless you” to when he sneezed, just got up and said “have a nice day”. this is minnesotan extreme flirting
— Pearl Rose (@hipearlrose) June 18, 2024
one thing I like saying to my cats in admonishment is "you know the rules" when they very clearly do not know and will never know the rules
— Lena (@banalplay) June 19, 2024
How many calories do you burn putting on a duvet cover, I’m thinking 1,200
— 𝙶 𝚘 𝚕 𝚍 𝚒 𝚖 𝚘 𝚌 𝚔 𝚜 (@goldimocks) June 16, 2024
If hotdog eating contests were not about volume of hotdogs eaten but rather who loves hotdogs the most i would be gold medalist
— Grace (@gracecamille_) June 16, 2024
why washing machine minutes don’t be real minutes?
— AD. (@danniphantumm) June 17, 2024
My robot vacuum is nowhere to be found. He's been missing for two days. My house isn't that big, I've genuinely looked everywhere. I don't think I've ever been this confused.
— Fran's Robot Vacuum (@whingewine) June 18, 2024
being a vampire must be kinda boring cause blood everyday? forever? what if you want something crunchy
— lamevampire 🦇 iwtv spoilers (@localloservamp) June 17, 2024
200% convinced that Grimace is a grape of Italian descent and it's pronounced like Versace
— em (@emilyagain) June 17, 2024
this dress is too pretty for 2024. this dress should be among oil paintings and victorian era accoutrement, this dress should never be in a room where it could risk hearing the words “DJ KHALID” https://t.co/8wPr41TNJw
— ashley ray🍦stream ice cream money (@theashleyray) June 16, 2024
summer is just a constant cycle of put hair up get headache take hair down get sweaty hair up headache hair down sweaty until you die
— i hate you joe biden (@sonyashea3) June 18, 2024
to the cool girl at the coffee shop i’m sorry for calling your scruffy schnauzer mix “an interesting little grinch” i intended it as the highest possible praise
— multitude container (@bartleby_era) June 18, 2024
Watching this Sondheim auction and realizing I want to live the kind of life where rich gays fight over my stuff when I die.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) June 18, 2024
you’re telling me NO ONE thought to call them s’moreos? Don’t piss me off pic.twitter.com/tcKprF3bwJ
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) June 19, 2024
just thought to myself ‘wow i wish there was a way i could listen to a podcast while also listening to the challengers score at the gym’ and it’s like. girl be alone with your thoughts for one second you won’t die
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) June 16, 2024
Me: I have an extreme fear of 90s music
— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) June 18, 2024
Therapist: How bizarre