The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
i want a small, tasteful wedding. no family. no friends. no groom. just me eating a big cake
— trash jones (@jzux) March 24, 2024
Everyone at work is mad at me for calling in sick. They all hate me and don’t believe I’m sick. No one told me this but I feel it deep down so it must me true, my intuition
— Natalie (@jbfan911) March 26, 2024
If you live in an apartment and it's raining and you forgot to buy groceries, you should be allowed to trick-or-treat
— Jill Twiss (@jilltwiss) March 23, 2024
when i was like 10 i learned that splitting an atom will make a nuclear explosion and for a long time i got really stressed out whenever i had to cut anything bc like. what if i hit an atom at just the right angle
— Nikki🪿🌈🐸 (@nikkineups) March 25, 2024
i think jobs should have 30 minutes of silent reading time every day after lunch just like fifth grade did
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) March 25, 2024
no he was 3 boyfriends ago, my great great boyfriend
— erica (@ericanextdooor) March 25, 2024
My sister is doing low carb and she told me she made a low carb quesadilla. I asked her how and she said she used eggs as the tortilla. I said that’s an omelette and now she isn’t talking to me
— kat (@HelenRuthsGhost) March 25, 2024
I hate a “see 13 down” ass crossword clue. Bitch if you don’t get your own identity
— Heben Nigatu (@hebennigatu) March 27, 2024
me at work pic.twitter.com/hus2a2G6zq
— ember loves bay ridge (@embernic) March 24, 2024
My friend went out with a guy who works at Trader Joe’s and when she mentioned she likes the new brookie caramel candy clusters he said he didn’t want to talk about work 😅
— Jenée (@jdesmondharris) March 24, 2024
me: dating is hard
— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) March 26, 2024
me on a date: why don’t we use the bermuda triangle as a landfill
my niece said “Auntie is one of those ppl that has a lot of stuff & won’t get rid of it-I think she’s a whore.” LMFAO ma’am wrong word.
— B 🦋 (@DontWorryBoutB) March 28, 2024
no one talks about what men in their 20s have to teach YOU though. It's such a wealth of knowledge. You learn about Fellini and Grantland. How to make Spotify playlist names. How long a toothbrush can really last. "Draft Kings." The moral arc of LeBron's career. Just treasures https://t.co/I0Y72mHrJM
— delia (@delia_cai) March 28, 2024
i really hope my children are strange. like i just saw a tiktok of a parent whose kid wanted a vacuum themed birthday party & i want those types of prompts
— jennifer (@dentalkween) March 25, 2024
My mom just told me Caitlin Clark’s favorite Girl Scout Cookie is a peanut butter pattie (tagalong). I asked her if she knew my favorite. She responds, “No and nor do I care” 😭 pic.twitter.com/gJbQONZeZy
— Lea Nelson (@leacj21) March 23, 2024
Love being a Midwesterner of Scandinavian descent, everyone else’s cultures are about community, family, good food and friendship and communal grieving, and our culture is like “emotions are for other people, here’s some fish cured in lye”
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) March 25, 2024
if you’re a single 27 year old woman the government should direct deposit you 500 dollars every time you have to open up insta and see that someone got engaged
— Lauren Sierra (@laurensierraaa) March 24, 2024
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties?
— Princess (@themultiplemom) March 23, 2024
Because he's a Fungi. pic.twitter.com/yD0chOsq6k
Just when you’re trying to figure out the first half of this tweet, the second half drops like a looney tunes piano. https://t.co/lp8QhmtFqD
— ari ✨ (@AriWRees) March 25, 2024
every day I live in fear of a stomp clap indie folk revival
— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) March 25, 2024
one of my classmates said he's going into consulting because he likes giving people his opinion but he doesn't like doing anything lol
— jenn ☀️ (@jennsun) March 28, 2024
Pulling my phone up off the floor by the phone charger is the closest I’ll ever come to fishing.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) March 25, 2024
was feeling very cute & confident in my little first date outfit until I realized I am dressed exactly like kim possible. i’m not kidding I look like I may have attended some kind of convention today so hope he’s into that!
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 24, 2024
The way the news cycle is going I was legit trying to understand how Usher got involved with a Catholic parish in Charlotte... https://t.co/ojB5uJkDF5
— Naima Cochrane (@naima) March 26, 2024
what i eat in a day as a woman that prioritizes her health:
— Kimeko M. (@KimekoM) March 27, 2024
- coffee with half and half
- 1200 calories worth of cheez its
- two cheese sticks
- a salad buried underneath a mountain of cheese
you ever write a work email so good you realize you’ll never make it as an artist
— Amelia Ritthaler (@ameliaritt) March 27, 2024
“I only drink on holidays” okay well its ford truck month?
— NICkelodeon ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (@nicolelynnotaa) March 25, 2024
and Shonda Rhimes has never let us know peace since https://t.co/tL9VIbVqnO
— Liz Charboneau (@lizchar) March 27, 2024
So he still hasn’t asked you to be his Easter Egg? Shame. Do better sis.
— Swiss 𝕏 (@BlxckSwiss_) March 27, 2024
Having a crush at this big fucking age so detrimental to health. Like pls I need to be asleep by 930pm, not rubbing my legs and giggling at 1145.
— l'ouvertalker✨️ (@Olivia_Nope) March 27, 2024
The “confirmed” on this is so funny https://t.co/zGPWjtCgzM
— AB (@AlannaBennett) March 27, 2024
I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.
— 𝚂𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚊 𝙺𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝙱𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 (@shegot99problms) March 27, 2024
I'm not afraid of aging anymore because i put a calendar reminder for ten years from now to google everyone in the cut age-gap essay and now i have something to look forward to
— Lydia Kiesling (@lydiakiesling) March 27, 2024
there’s a guy on this street near me with a parmesan stand (a bunch of giant wheels of parmesan that he cuts and weighs out and prices accordingly) and his sales approach is to wave a small piece of parmesan at approaching women and i am embarrassed to say that it works
— “paula” (@paularambles) March 28, 2024
i don't think the desk is that tiny. no shade.....
— Iris Lewinsky (@1R_1S) March 24, 2024