The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week (Sept. 23-29)

"a candle is just a pet fire"

The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humour lives on.

Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.

just had what was a successful social interaction until I concluded it by wishing the other person a “good time” visiting the restroom

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 26, 2023

when my dentist gave me laughing gas for the first time i was so high i spent the appt thinking of how to impress her. the best i could come up with was asking her “do you see me as just a mouth and teeth or am i a person to you?” i was like this is so deep she’s gonna freak

— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) September 26, 2023

Whenever an actor writes something out in a movie, i always wonder IS THAT THEIR REAL HANDWRITING OR ARE THEY ACTING THEIR LITTLE FINGERS OFF

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 24, 2023

Told some people in my office that I don't love root vegetables and my British coworker said, in utter disbelief, "Even parsnips?"

— ava (@wownicebuttdude) September 26, 2023

A guy asked me what it was like to be a woman in the workplace and another guy answered for me.

Nailed it.

— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) September 28, 2023

it’s nice that taylor swift is visiting her stadiums while they turn into mojo dojo casa houses for the football season

— Nora Dominick (@noradominick) September 24, 2023

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely chugged your Eggo Brunch in a Jar Appalachian Sippin’ Cream pic.twitter.com/rKPDboLqRJ

— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) September 27, 2023

a candle is just a pet fire

— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) September 24, 2023

Wait, there are people who leave home to run a few errands, and they *don't* return home feeling absolutely pummeled by exhaustion from being around people and having to make basic decisions? Weird if true!!!

— Lane Moore📚 (@hellolanemoore) September 23, 2023

thought i was flying to new york but apparently they’re just fucking kidding ?? pic.twitter.com/zgt5XNPHSa

— chase (@_chase_____) September 26, 2023

a lady posted on nextdoor "does anyone recognize this man? i've seen him at least 4 times at the train station near my house." it turned out to be a guy who was commuting to work every day

— the hype (@TheHyyyype) September 28, 2023

i always forget that the masked singer is a real show and not like a subplot on 30 rock

— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) September 27, 2023

…i do not have a cat pic.twitter.com/BLygexCdXq

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) September 28, 2023

Boy Math word problem: If Kevin sleeps with Brenda in September, integrates her into his friend group in October, takes her to a work event in November, and introduces her to his parents in December, in what month will Kevin tell Brenda, "I'm not looking for anything serious."

— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) September 28, 2023

Obsessed with ayo edebiri’s dad’s review of bottoms pic.twitter.com/LRFlv4NsrI

— august (@folkIoriians) September 24, 2023

saw a garbage truck with the tagline “our business stinks, but it’s picking up!” pretty good imo

— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) September 26, 2023

gossip girl would be so different in a post-uber new york city. serena would say “i have to go” and then wait 6-8 minutes at the street corner for her uber black

— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) September 24, 2023

cameras need to go back to trying to make people look as sexy as possible… shits starting to look like a spongebob closeup this is insane

— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) September 28, 2023

pov: you texted your boy bestie “hi” pic.twitter.com/jkd3YnQAVH

— chi (@ChiThukral) September 27, 2023

My favorite ever nonverbal interaction was the time a mom was pointing to my window, excitedly showing her daughter the 3 kittens that were sitting and looking out. We made eye contact, and she looked briefly embarrassed before I reached down next to me and held up a 4th kitten

— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) September 25, 2023

when a girl doesn't post her boyfriend i think understandable! privacy is everything, when a guy doesn't post his girlfriend i think Wow what a trashcan

— mariana (@pastapilled) September 26, 2023

me when i’m using gps and realize im walking the wrong way pic.twitter.com/a94CNcJzZm

— emily (@uhhmmily) September 25, 2023

Giving my classroom gluesticks human names has been revolutionary. Does a student care if a glue stick goes missing? No! Do they care if DEREK the glue stick has not been returned? ABSOLUTELY. It’s like a manhunt until Derek has been returned to his rightful spot.

— Miss B (@MissBThe3rd) September 27, 2023

hey i just saw an abandoned building being slowly reclaimed by nature and thought of you

— clare (@sadderlizards) September 28, 2023

leonardo dicaprio has announced he’s switching to bing https://t.co/4gzIjw83VA

— sophie (@netcapgirl) September 27, 2023

Where do bad rainbows go?

To prism. It’s a light sentence, but it gives them time to reflect.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) September 25, 2023

"wakanda for chickens" easily the funniest thing i've read in years https://t.co/fvjrrhSjOK

— karen han (@karenyhan) September 28, 2023

Gen Z is so spoiled. When I was 16 we didn't have GPS telling us how to get to school. You just had to wake up and drive around each morning until you found a school. And if you didn't find a school for that day? You had to create your own school like in the movie Accepted.

— Kim Quindlen (@kimquindlen) September 28, 2023

I stopped by the thrift store down the street today and... pic.twitter.com/pH737GuPvH

— Juliet Bennett Rylah (@JBRylah) September 25, 2023

hey sorry i missed your text i realized i’m going to have to keep responding to texts for the rest of my life and i got really tired

— trash jones (@jzux) September 28, 2023
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