Well, Easter was fun, wasn’t it – but I can honestly say I’m absolutely shattered. The weather’s been so amazing I spent most of the long bank holiday weekend outside, laughing, socialising and enjoying quality time with friends and family.
I’m not tired because I partied hard or drank too much in the sunshine (I’m teetotal). It’s all due to the youngest member of our family, my live-in grandson, who’s slap bang in the middle of that most dreaded part of any child’s development – the terrible twos.
My otherwise gorgeous grandson can go from ultimate cutie to mischief king and rabble-rouser in 0-60 seconds – and I can barely believe it. The first time round when my son – Clay’s dad – was little, the terrible twos were something other people talked about in frustrated tones, but it never really affected me.
I remember thinking, rather smugly, that it must be the over-exaggeration of parents who simply couldn’t control their kids. I was lucky. My son was quite a placid child and there was never any major incidents where I had to scrape him up off the floor after a particularly vicious temper tantrum.
But, after witnessing Clay in action these holidays, I concede the terrible twos are not only NOT a myth, they have very little to do with poor parenting.
To call Clay smart is an understatement. He has now realised that screaming and throwing tantrums can get him so much further in life – from that extra sweetie to five minutes more Paw Patrol, it’s a win every time. Cry and scream and he’ll get a cuddle from Glam-ma, too.
He is fast becoming the mini Alpha Male in our household and, to add insult to injury, he has started to address his dad and me by our first names. Just before we headed out yesterday, I heard him shout from the bottom of the stairs: “Rell, I’m ready for park!’ That’s Glam-ma to you, buddy. After a terse response from his father, the next thing I heard was a more subdued: “Okay, Daddy.”
Sunshine, open spaces and being in charge of a two-year-old with the energy of a Jack Russell presented an afternoon full of challenges for the three of us. But the trip to Nando’s after an afternoon in the park was epic. Clay demanded his scooter and quickly decided the limited floor space was perfect for him to hurtle about, crashing into chairs and people’s legs. Cue lots of apologies from us and knowing looks from the parents of other toddlers who understood our plight.
Once seated, he refused to use the high chair provided and decided to show off and shout at anyone who made eye contact with him. Then half-way through the meal he announced he didn’t need a chair and tried to finish his dinner standing up. By this time, his dad had had enough and strong-armed him onto his lap for the rest the meal. When, faced with Clay’s cries, I objected, I was given my own firm “No” and told to stop undermining his parenting.
The terrible twos are a real thing – research has shown they help mould your child into the person he or she will become. It’s a learning experience where your toddler is looking to you for guidance and support. While the terrible twos may be every bit as terrible as you imagined, it helps a bit to know why they are such a crucial part of growing up.
Two is when toddlers hit lots of key developmental milestones, including communicating in two and three-word sentences, walking, climbing and understanding concrete concepts like “mine,” “no” and “bad”. At its root, classic ‘terrible twos’ behaviour is all about testing boundaries, asserting independence and learning how to communicate needs and desires. And those desire are often different to yours, as the parent or caregiver.
I say this cautiously, but I think the boy has broken me. His tantrums are like a whirlwind and he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants. Yes, I admit it. I am too soft but I simply can’t stand the noise and his tears and Clay is acutely aware of this. As the grandparent, I’m more likely to give in for a quiet life.
From my son’s point of view, this ‘softly softly’ approach is not working, as we are constantly pulled into the ‘good cop / bad cop’ situation that’s probably all too familiar to two-parent families, too. Clay see’s all of this and is milking it.
But it’s something we definitely have to take control of. Tantrums at two can be cute and funny, but when they get bigger an unruly child can all too easily come across as rude. The key to getting over the hump is going to be clear communication with Clay on our part, even when he’s being anything but.
And, in my case, working in tandem with my son to make sure our lil’ man grows up with the good manners to match his new-found independence.