The truth about PICK UP ARTISTS
By Kezia Noble.
Kezia Noble, Dating Coach from London.
(Photo supplied by Kezia Noble)
Recently, you have most probably heard and read a fair amount about the Pick Up Artist Community. This is of course thanks to the media exposure that has been shone on Pick Up Artist Julien Blanc and his shocking pick up tactics. You have also have probably heard many male dating coaches defend him, or choose to remain neutral on the subject ( I believe this is due to the business affiliations they have amongst each-other) You have also most definitely heard many women rip his reputation to shreds and even call for a complete end to the Pick Up Artist Community all together.
But have you heard the honest ,first hand experience from the only woman who was once one of the major key players of the Pick Up artist industry?
In 2006 I unexpectedly entered the Pick Up Artist community/industry, and in 2010 I unofficially left the community, launched my own company and branched out to a more mainstream market that I felt was more congruent with my beliefs and principals.
This is my honest experience of what the Pick Up Community was , what it became and what it is now.
How did I get involved?
To cut a long story short, I was unexpectedly invited to give some feedback and provide an honest female opinion to a group of 'unlucky in love' men who had paid a substantial amount of money to attend a weekend workshop which was run by a fairly well established Pick Up Artist company. Apparently my honest, direct and 'straight to the point' insights into the female mind were a huge hit with the men, who were sick of the same old generic and nice but essentially useless advice that they felt most of their female friends and mainstream female dating coaches were dishing out, and before I knew it, I was working for the company full time as the top 'Female Pick Up Coach.' I was branded as "The Bitch With A Heart" because of my honest advice that delivered real results, and I am not ashamed to admit that I made a lot of money from helping thousands of men become more successful with women. The industry was and still is hugely popular, which might be an indicator of how useless most the mainstream advice is.
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
In the early days The Pick Up Artist Community provided a generous source of information, skills, and insights that I truly believe , were genuinely helping men to become more confident and sociable with women, and in my opinion there are many Pick Up Artists who still share an exceptional level of skills and techniques that help men to become better with women without crossing lines or entering into any kind of sinister and misogynistic territories However, at some point, I believed ( like any industry or community that starts expanding too quickly) that there was a noticeable saturation of shady Pick Up Artists who were dishing out tasteless techniques and most importantly USELESS advice that were decreasing mens success rate with women rather than enhancing it. Obnoxious marketing tactics to push their products which involved words and phrases such as:
'Pimp'
'Pu**y Pounding'
'Slut defences'
These were not only vulgar but were actually falling into the category of 'false advertising'.
In 2009 I was approached by a prestigious publishing company who gave me the opportunity to write my own book. This was my chance to help millions of men become more successful with women, and I certainly didn't want the ever increasingly sexist and shadowy Pick Up Artist industry attaching itself to my name and teachings.
I made the decision to leave, and start up my own company and I timed it perfectly to go with my book launch. I selected to join my team the best Dating Coaches and Attraction Experts, both male and female, and even past students of mine who had become more successful with women than most so called Pick Up Artists. All of them gave their own productive insights, feedbacks, methods, skills and techniques that steered clear of the mysognistic nature that sadly had been slowly spreading throughout the community.
The Backlash
When I left, I was hit with a wave of verbal attacks and poisonous rumours and accusations from a large section of the Pick Up Industry. The very reasons I wanted to leave were confirmed. I was accused of being;
A slut
A bitch
A prostitute
A money grabbing wh*re
A woman that's only good for making porn
I also experienced false allegations that I was giving sexual favours in order to get a book deal, and even of giving 'sexual extras' to my students. These students respected me very much and who I remain thankful to for all they did to try and discredit the mysognistic attacks that I was receiving. Forums, podcasts and comments on social media sites from many Pick Up Artists and Pick Up Artist companies were a direct attempt to sabotage all I had accomplished and the flawless reviews and reputation I had worked so hard on achieving.
HOWEVER, there were a few very decent Pick Up Artists from the community who stood by me and refused to play any part of the abuse I was receiving, and I still to this day promote their work and mention their names whenever there is an attack on the industry as a whole, as an example of the Pick Up Artists who shouldn't be tarred with the same brush.
One of these Pick Up Artists actually happened to be Tyler ( Owen Cook) who is head of RSD , which is the company that the now infamous Julien Blanc works for. Tyler has always shown a high level of respect for me and the work I do, and it is a shame that Julien Blanc's choice of methods will reflect badly on Tyler.
Julien Blanc
Julien Blanc unfortunately in my opinion, as I stated on Sky News, is just one of the many Pick Up Artists out there who started out brimming with good intention and who was once giving out very helpful information and insights, but who at some point crossed that line of promoting self help and ended up relying on shock tactics and mysognistic theories that might impress some of his die hard fans, and work on a few extremely drunk women falling out of clubs at 2am, but will not work on the vast majority of women, and certainly do not provide men a healthy perception of women either!
Mr Nice Guy advice doesn't work.
Don't get me wrong, I don't teach men to be nice and sweet to women. In fact, I teach them to challenge women, to be cheeky or in some cases purposefully indifferent . I show men how to get women to chase them rather than the other way round, and how to convey an attractive , modern alpha man persona which remains congruent with their own personality . However, I have never and will never teach strategies that aim to make women feel vulnerable or worthless, and I condemn any teachings that promote any shades of violence towards another human being.
Was banning him the right choice?
I am glad the media shone a light on his tactics and women have every right to be upset with what he is encouraging other men to do.
Do I think he should have been banned from the UK? No. I believe the UK has allowed in other certain people who have promoted much more abhorrent ideas such as terrorism, the death penalty for homosexuals and stoning women to death for adultery, and it frustrates me not to see the same level of anger from these very same people whenever the UK allows in ( with open arms sometimes) these more influential 'preachers of hatred'. A case of double standard in being played here in my opinion. Also, banning Julien Blanc will only increase his cult status, and fuel the loyalty of his die hard fans even more, and obviously this is not something any of us want to see happen.
The truth about most Pick Up Artists now.
Most male Pick up artists now rebrand themselves as dating coaches, ( You have been warned) and unfortunately still rely on promoting a false lifestyle in order to attract clients They claim they lead a 'Rock stars life style' and boast about being able to 'bang' models and celebrities any day of the week, but the truth is, most of them ( especially the ones who are based in London ) are living ANYTHING but a 'James Bond' or 'Rock star' life style.
In realty, most of them are single or dating an ordinary Plain Jane. Due to London being a very expensive place to live, they either live at home with their parents or live in their girlfriends apartment (the same girlfriend who pays the rent and bills). Most catch the bus to meet their students, and don't even own a car let alone that Aston martin they posed next to in order to add to their Instagram account. Their days are spent not in the arms of Victoria Secret model, but instead they spend a great deal of time working on SEO and site optimisation. They spend hours on constructing emails to send out to they're mailing lists that encourage men to spend money on their e-books or latest workshop.
Although there is still a mysognistic and seedy section of the Pick Up Artist Community, which I hope the latest media exposure has helped to purge out of the industry, most of the UK based ones that I know lead fairly dull lives that revolve around web-design or promoting their courses on Facebook. None of them have published books, or a steady source of income, so rest assured most will eventually end up doing another job entirely.
I'm glad I left that community, theres's so much of it that is repellent, but after you read my honest and unbiased experience, I hope that not ALL Pick Up Artists will be tarred with the same brush.