In the UK, 41% of people are afraid of death, according to a survey by YouGov. It makes sense, really. We all know that we will die but we don’t know how, when, or even what to expect in our final weeks, days, hours. It’s something that will happen to us all but still has a hint of mysticism just because we know so little.
However, one hospice nurse, Julie McFadden, or as she’s known on YouTube, Hospice Nurse Julie, has shared the ‘phenomenas’ that can occur while somebody’s on their deathbed.
While she admits that these don’t always happen, they happen often enough that she feels compelled to share them and says that if she didn’t see these happening ‘all the time’, she wouldn’t believe they happened.
The experiences that happen at the end of life
Terminal lucidity
This is also known as the ‘rally’ or the ‘surge’. McFadden said: “This happens when suddenly, someone who looks very ill will suddenly get a burst of energy and look like they’re getting better.”
McFadden said that while nurses don’t know why this happens, some theorise that it happens due to a burst of cortisol or different hormones causing the dying person to perk up.
She added that this happens with around 1 in 3 of her patients but it’s often not thought to be terminal lucidity until afterwards, in hindsight.
McFadden said that if you suspect your loved one is experiencing this and not actually getting better, you should try to enjoy it but keep in mind that they will likely die soon after — likely the next day or so.
Visioning
This is a phenomena that McFadden says is the ‘most talked about’ when it comes to death. She said that hospice patients will experience visions. She explains that unlike those experienced during mental health episodes, these are comforting and distinct.
She said that when this happens, “the person is usually alert and oriented.”
While you may be tempted to put this down to lack of medication, oxygen supply or even confusion, McFadden says these patients are none of those things.
She explained that visioning often happens a few weeks before death and while they’re doing something normal like talking to family, the patient will casually state that they can see a dead relative in the room.
This relative is often smiling and assuring the patient that they are there to get them soon, and not to worry.
The nurse advises that if your loved one is experiencing visions, you should just “go with it.”
Choosing their death date
McFadden said that she has seen extreme cases of this with patients saying to her: “Tonight’s when I’m going to die, I know it, I can feel it”, and they often do.
She said that there are also cases when patients will wait for the family to arrive in town, in the room, their house, and then they will die. Conversely, some wait until everybody has left the room to die.
Some even wait until after milestones like birthdays or weddings.
McFadden said: “They’re almost kept alive until they get to that date and then their body will finally let go.”
She said that she has seen this ‘over and over again’.
The death reach
McFadden said this often comes hand-in-hand with visioning and during this, the patient will be lying in bed and will ‘reach’ up in the air, as if they’re seeing someone or reaching for someone.
The nurse added that these patients will often hold their hands up for a long time but there’s nothing to worry about as their loved one, “just let them reach.”
The death stare
McFadden said: “The death stare and the death reach go together a lot.”
She explained that this stare often involves somebody staring off into the corner or side of the room, looking at something intently. If you try to snap them out of it, they won’t be woken from this state until they’re ready to be.
McFadden also assured that you can ask your loved one what they were looking at, and they’ll likely tell you.
The shared death experience
McFadden said that this phenomena is the most impactful thing that’s ever happened to her.
This is when somebody is not dying feels or sees or even just viscerally understands what’s happening to the person that is dying. McFadden said: “It’s kind of like the dying person gives you a sense of what they’re going through.”
She said that it’s a good feeling and it’s as if the patient is giving you feelings of freedom and joy, telling you that they’re okay and basically that they can’t believe how amazing it was.
How incredibly moving.