From the utterly ridiculous to the outright racist, as a brown-skinned individual with dark hair and a voluptuous nose, there are certain questions that I seem to get asked on an annoyingly regular basis. Even when put to me with the best of intentions, they can be a source of frustration, discomfort and hurt. So please, if you find any of the following queries on the tip of your tongue the next time you’re with your brown friend, please try and refrain from asking them!
“Where are you originally from?”
The classic question dreaded by people of colour far and wide. Let me set the scene. I’m talking to someone new, we’re engaging in some small talk: what’s your name, what do you do, and where are you from. I reply “Bristol” and there it is... that look of confusion. Bristol? And then it comes, the question that makes my blood boil, “but where are you originally from?” If my response is still unsatisfactory, questions that follow include: “but where are your parents from?” and “so you were born in England?” It’d save both parties a lot of time and energy if you just asked, “why is your skin brown?” because let’s be honest, that’s what you want to know.
Why so problematic? Because it’s based on outdated stereotypes of what a British person is supposed to look like. It makes me feel like an imposter, like I don’t really belong. At least wait until we’re friends before you start enquiring about my cultural background.
“Can you speak Indian?”
I can forgive you for asking this one but er no, I can’t because the language ‘Indian’ doesn’t exist. There are in fact around 780 Indian languages, the most widely-spoken of which is Hindi.
“Do you eat curry every day?”
No, I do not. As much as I love Indian food, believe it or not, my diet is probably just as varied as yours. I’m not going to ask you if you eat fish and chips every day so please take your stereotypes elsewhere. For the record, yes my mum does make an excellent curry but no I’m not going to invite you round for dinner.
“You must know [insert name of another Indian person they know]?”
No, I do not know Prakash from the cornershop! You’d be surprised how often I get asked this. It’s bizarre! Unless there’s a legitimate reason – school, work or mutual friends – why on earth would you presume that we know each other? Sorry to disappoint you but we aren’t a homogeneous brown bunch that all hang around together.
“Are you going to have an arranged marriage?”
You might argue that this one’s innocuous but it is a microaggression. It’s loaded with the assumption that Indian women are meek creatures that don’t have the agency to make their own decisions. Also, nowadays arranged marriages work in more or less the same way as the dating apps we all know and love.
“Indian accents are funny – can you do one?”
Please never ask me to do an Indian accent. And I don’t want to hear your ‘Apu from The Simpsons’ attempt at one either. You might think it’s funny but it comes with a plethora of negative connotations. We don’t want to be the butt of your joke, it’s a dehumanising and it’s a form of racial violence.
“Your name is too difficult to pronounce, can I just call you [anglicised version of your actual name]?”
I’ve answered to all sorts over the years from Bianca to Peggy. At school, they’d just skip me when calling out the register to avoid my ‘unpronounceable’ name: Priyankaa (pronounced pree-yank-uh). If you’re worried about getting it wrong, (I get it, it’s long), just ask me how to pronounce it and I’ll happily tell you but please don’t say you’re not even going to bother trying, it’s just lazy. My name is part of my identity and I’m not going to change it just to make your life easier.
“You know you’re attractive for an Indian person?”
Probably the most offensive question on the list but the amount of people who think this is a compliment is shocking. It most definitely isn’t. You’re basically saying that all Indian people are highly unattractive but I’ve somehow managed to buck the trend and should be grateful. Lucky me! “You’re attractive” would have sufficed, race shouldn’t have anything to do with it.