I would love to despise my African brother as much as you do. To regard him with the same contempt that would make me want to set his body ablaze the way your dementia has led you to.
I'd like to muster enough disgust at the mere sight of him, that would make it easy for me to spit in his face and expect him to lap it up like the undignified "kwere-kwere" that he is; one who is not deserving of the basic human rights we are afforded. Because unlike us, his shade of black is revolting.
I'd like to support your stance as I have been for decades, the way I was told to by the black women before me, the same women who were left handicapped and betrayed by your patriarchy. I would love to see things from your point of view, but my conscience would have to be as dead as yours is.
I'd like to swear my allegiance to you by rejecting my African brother, but he is not the one who raped and accused me of asking for it because I dared to express my femininity. He did not rob me of a father by murdering him in cold blood over some measly items in his possession. He did not beat my pregnant sister to a pulp before shoving her to the floor. He is not responsible for making me feel less of a queen with titles like whore, slut, nesifebe - slurs that are used to sully my reputation.
He did not leave me to raise innocent kids by myself while he opted to start a new life with the same woman I was told not to worry about. He did not habitually cheat and expect me to forgive him, even after infecting me with HIV. He did not dishonour my throne when he was entrusted to protect it, nor did he drag my crown through the mud. You did.
You say these aren't xenophobic attacks, but attacks on crime. Laughable. If that's the case, why have you not castigated those who have stolen our natural resources for centuries, for the innumerable crimes they have committed against us? Why do you sit back, even now, when they try to steal our culture after telling us it was vile for decades?
And what of you? Who is meant to prosecute you for dehumanising me, your woman? You've been a letdown for the longest time and felt justified to punish everyone but yourself for your failures. Take a long, hard look in the mirror, you have yourself to thank for that monster staring right back at you. And maybe I deserve to bear some of the blame, too. For far too long have I stood right by your side and tried to justify your self-hate.