If you still have your youth, avert your eyes from the screen now. This content is not for the likes of you.
And no, it’s not because we’re discussing sex or anything remotely X-rated (we’re long past that) – but a very different type of pleasure. That of owning a vacuum with sufficient suction.
A good vacuum is one of life’s pleasures you only come to understand when you reach a certain age – along with the correct use of recycling bins, a practical pair of shoes and an early night.
Nothing proved this more, than when I, a 28-year-old woman, tweeted about the suction on my new hoover – and received nearly 20,000 likes in 24 hours.
Our teenage selves might roll their eyes at the thought of morphing into our grandparents at nearly 30 (yes they were right, watching birds in the garden really is a joy), but we couldn’t be happier we’re here.
Trust us, adulting hits you like a ton of bricks. We asked other people in their late 20s to mid 30s what they can’t believe they care about – so here are the things you’ll learn to love as the years add up.
Going to the garden centre.
No, it’s not a boring way to spend a Saturday, and yes, we really do need another pot plant. Oh, and put that water mister in the basket – a totally essential item and definitely not a waste of money.
Remembering bin day.
Admittedly we continue to forget this one most weeks, but it’s good to have something to aspire to.
Seeing the birds use the bird feeder.
NOT YOU SQUIRREL.
Receiving candles as gifts.
No, we don’t want Scalextric anymore please friends, family, or Father Christmas – instead, gift us wax that we will burn to impress other people when they come over to our house.
Having ample supplies of toilet roll.
Past us now plans for future us, thinking ahead when supplies look slim rather than only buying a replacement once we literally can no longer use the toilet.
Getting fresh air.
Bloody hell air is good for the soul. See also: drinking ample quantities of water.
Going on long train journeys.
Not commuting, but long train journeys with a comfy (pre-booked) seat and a well-stocked buffet car. Holiday to Magaluf? No thank you.
Spending all our money on kitchen gadgets.
Wait so, the device literally rices potato for a smooth and creamy mash? Sign us up. In fact, buy two in case of an emergency. And that garlic press, freeing us of the clingy aroma on our hands? Get it in the basket.
Having dinner cooked for you.
Parents: we don’t know how you did it, thinking of a new meal every night (and not just serving cereal for all our meals). Now, we couldn’t be more grateful when another adult human cooks for us.
Wearing a coat when it’s cold.
You don’t look sexy without one, you look like you’re going to catch a cold.