It’s that time of year again people.
The time when we all need to wheel out the heart-shaped balloon and tell our partner how much we love them, simply because everyone else is doing it.
Now, not that we are cynical or anything, but we can’t help but feel the bar is as always set a little too high on Valentine’s Day and the reality never quite matches up to the fantasy.
1. Expectation: You will not care about Valentine’s Day and it will completely pass you by.
Reality: You care a phenomenal amount and are counting down to it from 1 February.
2. Expectation: You will wish your partner a happy Valentine’s with impromptu morning sex.
Reality: You get up early but they are STILL ASLEEP. Apparently they didn’t get the memo.
3. Expectation: You will agree to not buy presents, just a card if they are feeling generous.
Reality: You are humiliated and made to feel like a human turd when they ignore this explicit instruction.
4. Expectation: You will have a candlelit dinner at home where you rekindle your relationship.
Reality: You just talk about work and how tired you are.
5. Expectation: You will go out for an intimate dinner at the restaurant you went to on your first date.
Reality: You book too late and end up at Pizza Express with 300 other couples.
6. Expectation: You will get home and frolic in a bed full of rose petals.
Reality: You pick yourself some petrol station flowers on the way back.
7. Expectation: You finally have the best sex you’ve had in ages.
Reality: You get home late and can barely be bothered to unzip your jeans.
8. Expectation: You will not be phased by all the Facebook declarations of love because they are meaningless LIES.
Reality: You join in and write a three-paragraph status complete with unnecessary details about how great your Valentine’s Day was.