Man Gives Hilarious Running Commentary On Wife's Four-Hour Call Trying To Cancel Virgin Media Contract

'Ironically, this phone call is the longest we've been stably connected.'
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We’ve all had problems with our Internet connection. And some of us have been driven to despair cancelling our contracts because of said problems.

But one man’s account of a four-hour feud with a Virgin Media call-centre must be the most persistent and impressive efforts to date to get justice for a poor connection.

John Bull, who describes himself as a history and transport writer, gave a hilarious running commentary on his wife’s struggle to cancel an “imaginary” Internet contract.

Shaming Virgin publicly on Twitter, Bull detailed the highs and lows of Mrs Bull’s Herculean phone-calls, complete with a conspiracy theory concerning the hold music.

So where did it all begin?

Well, John’s wife was trying to cancel the pair’s Internet contract with Virgin media at 10:37 this morning. It was all going so well...

Watching my wife cancel our @virginmedia contract. Think this is the happiest I've seen her since our wedding.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

But things turned pear-shaped when Virgin claimed John and his wife had signed up to a new contract in February.

Their evidence? John accepted the company’s suggestion it up his line speed to fix slow connection problems he’d reported before.

Oh WOW. @virginmedia now trying to say we signed up for a new contract. By accepting their suggestion they up the line speed to try and fix

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

John’s wife asked to speak to the manager, but...

Apparently the only manager at @virginmedia can't talk to us. He's in a meeting. Until Wednesday. Long meeting that.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

After being told by the Virgin call-centre staff member that they would have been “insane” to sign a new contract, further attempts to refer the issue up proved futile.

Apparently there is LITERALLY no one in the building who can talk to us. Who is RUNNING this call centre? @virginmedia is it communism?

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Oh - but the whole issue would just be resolved if John and his wife paid £160, they were told. No biggie.

But for JUST £160 they'll release us from it. I mean JESUS at least the MAFIA provided a service when extorting @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

So, how’s that speaking to the manager thing going? Oh.

They're currently trying to decide whether the manager is 'too busy' or 'not there' @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Until...

OH HELL WAIT. APPARENTLY A SUPERVISOR JUST APPEARED! it's like call centre pokemon @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Wait. Could this be a breakthrough?

They've admitted there MIGHT exist someone who can help. But they might not be there. #schroedingersmanager @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Ironically this phone called is perhaps the LONGEST we've been stabily connected to @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Then came the allegations about hold music. John said he suspected Justin Bieber was played down the line to weaken his resolve.

We're onto you @virginmedia. You can play as much Bieber as you want at us. we're still not hanging up.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

*MANAGER KLAXON*

THE MANAGER IS NOW ON THE FLOOR BUT TOO BUSY TO SPEAK @virginmedia #callcentrePokemon

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

There are managers on the floor now. but she is not allowed to speak to them. only her manager. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

One user following the commentary on Twitter suggested asking the call-centre worker: “If the colleague next to you died right now, who would you call? Put them on.”

Apparently the person next to her is quite young. We're pointing out there are lots of health risks to young people. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

*MANAGER CLAXON 2*

We're asking her to ask the Manager she can LITERALLY SEE when he will call us back. She won't. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

OH WAIT HE'S HAD TO RUN INTO ANOTHER MEETING. @virginmedia have shitloads of meetings on a Saturday.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

At this point, after almost 90 minutes on the phone, John alleges his wife was hung up on.

But, undeterred, she prepared for call number two by grabbing a drink.

Glass of juice ready for round 2. Important to stay hydrated when calling @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/k2U07AY3RF

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

The call started promisingly.

WE'VE GOT THE GOOD HOLD MUSIC AGAIN. they clearly don't know it's us yet. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

it's quite good and poppy actually. we're shazamming it. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

It's @ollymurs! Oh Olly. Don't let @virginmedia use you for their complaints hold music. Make them stick to the Bieber.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Oh. The Beiber is back. Do they know it's us now? #tension @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

David Guetta now. Maybe they should spend less on music licensing and hire some more managers @virginmedia #schroedingersmanagers

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Then ‘Ally’ eventually answered the call.

We're through to Ally! She's looking at our call notes. we're waiting for her existential scream. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Ally claimed her boss wasn’t in or available to speak to on Saturday.

Today Ally is unmanaged. She can do anything she wants. Like skive or cartwheel through the office. https://t.co/6l61Frk1IA

— Martin Hoscik (@MartinHoscik) August 20, 2016

WHO IS MANAGING ALLY. IT IS ANARCHY ON THE FLOOR OF VIRGINMEDIA @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

And there was a bit of confusion when this happened.

Ally says it's not her job to cancel contracts. YOU'RE THE CANCELLATION LINE FFS. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

After two hours trying to cancel, John’s wife seemed to be getting a bit bored.

Mrs Bull is now playing real pokemon whilst @virginmedia have us on hold so they can play callcentre pokemon #meta

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

But after playing “NO HOLD MUSIC” - as John put it - Ally came back on the line offering to raise a complaints case and asking the couple to put the phone down.

They're asking us to hang up. 'No YOU hang up.' We've reached that point in our relationship. #younglove @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

At this point, it’s worth a reminder of what John and Mrs Bull are actually fighting for.

ALL WE WANT TO DO IS CANCEL OUR VIRGIN MEDIA CONTRACT. #freeusfromvirgin @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

But after hours, it felt like the situation might never be resolved.

To stress, we quite like Ally. She's at least honest. @virginmedia should promote her, if their managers were actually real.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

And the dreaded hold music came back.

We're back on hold! Lift music style hold music this time. We have angered the @virginmedia hold music gods. They are displeased.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Until Mrs Bull had to say that if the call was terminated again, he’d just ring straight back.

we've said we're happy to agree to end the call as soon as they give us that. they're threatening to terminate it again. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THE BACK WHISPERING 'DO IT. DO IT' @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Which eventually happened, so they got a cup of tea.

AND THEY'VE TERMINATED THE CALL. @virginmedia time for a tea break. then we'll call back again.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Round three. Mrs Bull manning the phone. We've upgraded to Tea. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Mr’s Bull’s a pro-apparently.

Have to say, Mrs Bull is a fucking NINJA at the number options on their call routing now. #veryimpressed @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Then Virgin Media’s Twitter customer service team waded in with a sympathetic ear.

@garius Hi John. I'm really sorry to hear about the issues you're experiencing. I'm confident we can get this sor... https://t.co/6xt7PB7iOu

— Virgin Media (@virginmedia) August 20, 2016

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. YOU KEEP TERMINATING THE CALLS. @virginmedia https://t.co/ui7AAJ3jy1

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Next, Mrs Bull finally got through to Clare, whose manager was seemingly NOT imaginary.

Clare is the fragile flower of hope in the no-mans land of our @virginmedia battlefield.

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Will she stand tall? Or will she be rendered headless by the hordes of imaginary managers? #prayforclare @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

And, after being put on hold again, got a glimmer of hope.

CLARE IS BACK. CLARE IS BACK SHE'S ASKING IF 30 DAYS CANCELLATION WOULD BE OKAY @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Then, FINALLY:

CLARE DID IT. CLARE CANCELLED OUR CONTRACT. WE'RE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE! WE WON! @virginmedia pic.twitter.com/MbkjxpECDE

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Meaning it was time to ditch the orange juice and tea and instead...

Can't believe it. Feel like we've won an Olympic gold. We're going to the pub to celebrate. @virginmedia

— John Bull (@garius) August 20, 2016

Three cheers for Clare!

@garius WE LOVE YOU CLARE! Giver her a prize & more money @virginmedia for doing the job 5 others couldn't do!

— John Serocold (@JohnSerocold) August 20, 2016

The crowds rejoice at this momentous victory! https://t.co/czB9Yqt8HL pic.twitter.com/TsDDNZCqEy

— IanVisits (@ianvisits) August 20, 2016

And a final word from the very happy couple.

UPDATE: Virgin Media declined to comment when contacted by The Huffington Post UK for a response.

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