There is something about the idea of giving a wedding speech that activates my fight or flight mode. The pressure to be funny; the judgy glares from THAT aunt; wondering if that particular joke is going to land. No wonder ‘wedding speech’ is being searched so much at the moment, right?
Luckily, Adrian, a public speaking expert at speech-writing company All Speeches Great & Small, spoke to HuffPost UK about the five things to do – and to avoid – on your mate’s big day. Here’s what he had to say:
1) Keep it short, people
Look, we get it – you have tonnes of memories with your best friend, and you’ve planned joke after bangin’ joke in your speech. But Adrian shared that rambling speeches (no matter how funny you find them) are bound to bore your audience.
“All the best speeches are concise,” he says. So, just as Coco Chanel suggested you remove one item from your outfit before you leave the house to avoid over-accessorising, try checking your speech before committing to it. Do you really need that extra paragraph about your 2014 trip to Xanthi?
2) Don’t make the speech all about you
Adrian shared that way too often, speech-givers want to make their time in the limelight all about them. He recalls clients who were the “main character” of the speech they wanted to give – people who wanted to cloak themselves in glory instead of directing the attention to the couple.
It’s an understandable urge. When you’re writing a speech and know all eyes will be on you, you want to come across as well as possible – but Adrian suggests that making it a 15-minute “me” show could well have the opposite effect.
3) For the love of all that’s holy, keep that crass joke out
Adrian said that while wedding speeches, especially best man speeches, are “expected to be funny – especially in British culture,” there’s really no need to keep that vulgar joke or cruel comment in your speech. In particular, personal and graphic comments that would embarrass the bride are a no-go.
“Save that stuff ‘til you’re down the pub with your mates,” Adrian advises. After all, as he says, there are a lot of people at a wedding – not just your friend group.
He then recalled a wedding in which the best mens’ speech used the c-word as a punchline to their joke to horrified silence. “The trouble is, that’s all anyone’s going to talk about for the rest of the wedding,” he said – meaning you’ll be taking away from the couples’ special day.
“It’s not that hard to be funny without resorting to laddish humour,” he says – though he does state clearly that humour is expected in British wedding speeches, so making an effort to get some laughs in is still very much advised.
4) Make sure your speech isn’t just in-jokes
I’m sure that drunken night you shared with your friend in college was hilarious. I’m sure the supervisor you both hated at your shared weekend job in school was an evil tyrant. But, Adrian says, not everyone needs to hear about it during the speech.
He advises you steer clear of topics that only you and your friend, or friend group, understand (seems like common sense, right?).
5) Confidence is key – and it’s easier to attain than you think
Adrian says that he works as a speechwriter for everyone from CEOs to best men, and across the board, he finds that a lack of confidence is the most devastating blow to a person’s speech-giving abilities.
“If you don’t believe you’re funny, nobody else is going to believe it,” he says.
Of course, if you’re naturally shy, you might wonder how you can gain that confidence in the first place. Thankfully, Adrian says it’s not just a matter of personality – practice and prior preparation are key.
“Never wait until the last minute,” he told HuffPost UK. If you’ve been given months, even a year, to prep your speech, he insists you get going on it ASAP and “learn it inside out.”
This will help you relax on the day, and give you that much-needed confidence boost.
If all else fails, of course, you can always keep it super short, sweet, and couple-focused; or reach out to the pros if you’re truly struggling. So long as you keep the details of that Magaluf trip far, far away from your speech...