It’s been a huge month for side chicks.
From Queen Camilla being crowned during the King’s Coronation, to Logan Roy’s ex-lovers joining forces at his funeral in Succession, to Amazon’s Jeff Bezos getting engaged to former mistress, Lauren Sanchez – the ‘side chick’ stereotype has never been more discussed in popular culture.
But how does it feel to be the partner of someone who cheats on you? A YouGov study found that one in five people cheat on their partner, so it’s not a rare problem.
And statistically, men are cheating more often than women – some estimates suggest as many as 75% of men and 68% of women have cheated at some point in a relationship.
“Having a partner cheat on you can hurt like nothing else,” Jessica Alderson, co-founder and relationship expert at So Syncd, tells HuffPost UK.
“They are meant to be the one who always has your back and sees you through thick and thin. To have them risk all of that for someone else, be it a fling or a full-blown affair, can be devastating.”
Sometimes you might know who the ‘side chick’ is. Other times, it can come as a total shock. Here’s what to do when your partner has a ‘side chick’...
1. Take time to process what’s happening
“You might feel like you need to jump into action, but actions that come from a place of acute anger often lead to more pain,” explains Alderson.
“The first step is to take a moment and reflect on the situation before doing anything that might make it worse.”
She recommends discussing the situation with a trusted friend or family member who can give you perspective and provide emotional support when you need it.
2. Talk to your partner about the cheating
It can be helpful to talk about what’s happened, she says. “Once you have taken some time for yourself, you might want to get a better understanding of what happened and how it came about, which involves having an open conversation with your partner.
“Some people find that understanding the motivations and circumstances behind the cheating helps them to move on and get closure. But if you don’t want to know the details, that’s ok too.”
She adds that if you know you’re completely done with the relationship, additional information might just cause more harm.
Alderson also says don’t be scared to let them know how you feel – you can tell them that you’re hurt and angry. It’s natural to have feelings about it.
3. Make a decision
Now that you have all the information, it’s time to decide if you want to stay in the relationship, says Alderson.
“You might not feel like you’re in a place to do this right away, and that’s ok. It may take some time before you are able to come to a conclusion. As difficult as it might be, you need to make a decision that is best for you and your mental health in the long run.”
For some, cheating can be a dealbreaker. For others, it can lead to further conversations about what’s going wrong in the relationship. There’s no right or wrong way to tackle it. Trust your gut feeling.
4. Take care of yourself
If it’s hard to even get out of bed in the morning, you can end up forgetting about self-care. The irony is that this is when you most need to look after yourself and prioritise your wellbeing – it’s essential to get enough sleep and eat well.
“Take some time to engage in activities that make you feel good, whether it’s going for a run, spending time with friends, or reading a book,” she advises.
5. Seek external help if necessary
Getting an expert’s opinion can be incredibly helpful, recommends Alderson. “If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a licensed therapist or the equivalent.”
And if you stay together, you might even want to seek couples counselling.
“Cheating majorly damages the sense of trust in a relationship, and it can take a trained professional to guide you both through the recovery process,” she adds.