To the catwalk, where ponies on crack are clip-clopping up and down and down and up a plank of haute couture, where thighs are abolished, a grumpy bob and sunglasses on a stick is God and trends are carved into the tablet of seasonal commandments. London Fashion Week is here.
To most, London Fashion Week equals avoidance of all mainstream clubs lest you wish to be brutally compared to those blessed with giraffe legs, cheekbones that could cut glass, and hair that rightfully belongs to angels, or unicorns. It may mean that you flick through Grazia before you haemorrhage money in Topshop, in an attempt to foresee the fashion gospel of next season. Perhaps you merely cower in a corner until it's all over and the world returns to worrying about more important things, like Kate Middleton's nipples and why Cheryl Cole deserves our undying empathy this week.
But, film fans, the fashion pack may have more to do with the world of cinema than you first think. Long has the tradition stood, that when film makes a bold fashion statement, the darlings at Dior, vamps at Versace, or the princesses over at Prada get scribbling away, taking the trend from celluloid to the backs of the average Joe, or Josephina if you will.
Let us cast an eye to the golden age of cinema, when black and white didn't make you kick the box in confused frustration, and smoking was still allowed to be sexy and cool without bearing a caption of morbidity and a jolly image of flailing sperm: to the age when Audrey Hepburn was Queen of the Screen. Aside from the endless LBD's (that's a little black dress, boys), French rolls and white gloves that still inspire classic looks today, Hepburn as Sabrina inspired a neckline to be named after her- boat-neck style, knotted at both sides... forever more the 'Sabrina neckline'. All hail the power of the cinema.
Skipping forward a few decades in our fashion Tardis and Diane Keaton as Annie Hall teaches women the world over that borrowing your boyfriend's wardrobe isn't just for stonking hangovers the morning after- her wide flares, ties, oversized collars and boyfriend-shape coats are still popping up on high streets near you to this day.
But what of recent times, I hear you cry? You need only look as far as the Spring/Summer Gucci and Ralph Lauren collections for cold hard evidence of some serious film pilfering- yup, Gatsby's exploded all over the catwalk, and all it took was a trailer. We mustn't forget, of course, that the 1920s flapper look was peddled by 2011's best picture Oscar winner, The Artist, too, so it's no wonder the fashion darlings are foaming at the mouth for a sequins and cloche hats. Even the high street's got involved too- Zara's flapper dress wouldn't be at all out of place in Berenice Bejo's dressing room. But it was the added art deco fashion pointer supplied by Baz Luhrmann's lusciously embellished trailer that sealed the catwalk deal.
The Spring/Summer collections also revealed that the fashion world has been falling in love with Marilyn Monroe all over again- coinciding, perhaps not all too coincidentally, with the release of multiple award-nominee My Week With Marilyn. 50s dress shapes and pastel colours were de rigeur at the Louis Vuitton Spring/Summer show- surely a trend that every Mad Men-obsessed wannabe Christina Hendricks will be taking to their hearts and homes.
Not so recent, but still just as important to my cinematic embezzlement case, is Lizbeth Salander of Girl With the Dragon Tattoo fame, whose biker boots and aggro-goth styling filtered through the mountains of catwalk, like fashion Fiji water, eventually finding a home this year at H&M, who stocked an entire line devoted solely to getting the rapist-torturing-private-investigator look... certainly more exciting than out last Nordic fashion obsession, the Sarah Lund jumper. Sexy.
There's no denying fashionistas have been conducting a rather illicit affair with the world of film- so I suppose, after the last chink of LFW glasses sounds, blistered feet are slipped out of towering Louboutins and the ponies go home to feed (maybe), the real question is: what will be the next obsession? After much thought and consideration- and a good deal of make believe involving me being trés chummy with Tom Ford (the ultimate film/fashion chameleon)- I'd put my money on Brian de Palma's Passion being the next filmic inspiration for shrouding fashiony frames. So, go forth! Power dress! Channel the kinky boardroom look a la McAdams and Rapace! If I'm right, you'll best putting your best fashion foot forwards. And if I'm wrong? Well, at least I didn't choose The Hobbit.