In an Instagram Reel that’s been viewed over 70 million times, site user Hannah Stocking put a book above her loo’s cistern, placed a seat cover on the toilet, and walked out to her partner.
“I have to go,” he said forlornly; “I love you,” they both whispered as he entered the WC.
Arms on a clock span as he played games, scrolled, and generally hung out in there, pants around his ankles. He eventually emerges, bearded and disoriented.
“When your man goes to the bathroom,” the caption reads.
It’s not just an anecdotal thing or a funny post, though; according to a survey run by UK Bathrooms, men spend, on average, one hour and 35 minutes perched on the toilet each week compared to women’s 55 minutes.
Why?
Dr. Kyle Staller, a gastroenterologist, told Yahoo Life: “It’s true that men do spend longer in the toilet or on the toilet than women do, but in reality are much less likely to have bowel issues and chronic constipation than women are.”
Women’s colons are, on average, 10cm longer than men’s; our hormones also typically fluctuate more often, beleaguering our BMs.
A 2017 study from the University of Oxford and the University of Canberra found that not only are men more likely than women to scroll on the loo (20% vs 26.5%).
A YouGov study also found women feel more nervous about going number two in public loos, where lines are generally also longer than men’s.
But if we’re being real, I reckon we all know the true answer ― a lot of men admit to looking for a bit of an escape and some “me time” on the porcelain throne.
One-third of British men admit to hiding in the loo to escape their families compared to one-fifth of women, according to a survey by bathroom company Pebble Grey.
But doesn’t everyone like some me time?
“I’ve had some clients tell me that the bathroom allows for the perfect escape from parenting duties,” Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and author, told LiveScience.
“It can be a hideout for people because no one ever asks what you’re doing in there, even if you take a long time. It can truly be a safe place.”
That’s despite Office of National Statistics data that showed fathers of children aged five to 10 enjoyed five hours more leisure time than women per week, and “consistently took more leisure time than women regardless of how old the child in their household was.”
A 2023 Mumsnet post from a poster whose husband took several half-hour-long loo breaks daily reads, “The house would [be] chaos, the family wouldn’t eat and nothing would get done if I took 20 minutes out several times a day.”
Of course, if medical issues are to blame, ensure you see a doctor. And if it’s not a real cause of contention, hey ― scroll away.
Just don’t stay seated while, er, exposed for longer than five minutes (that can cause piles); and if you dash to the bog every time you need an escape, you might want to consider other, less pungent sources of “me time.”