K.J., a single mom, had been in a relationship with Ben for three years before deciding that enough was enough: He didn’t seem to want to move in together, let alone get married.
“With a broken heart, I went to break it off with him, and in a panic, he asked me to marry him,” she told HuffPost. “Our engagement was more stressful than ecstatic.”
In the end, the engagement didn’t pan out. But she’s not alone; many women and men call off relationships with people they they seriously considered marrying.
A common reason is fear of commitment, according to Elisabeth LaMotte, a couples’ psychotherapist and founder of the DC Counseling and Psychotherapy Center in Washington, D.C.
“Fear of commitment can either be consciously or unconsciously hesitating to take a healthy relationship to the next level because you’re not ready, because you have something to work out in your own life,” LaMotte told HuffPost. “What also could be fear of commitment is a pattern of choosing either unavailable or unsuitable partners, so that as you get closer to committing, it’s clear that it’s just not going to work.”
We asked women who read HuffPost if they’ve ever ended an engagement. Read what they had to say ― and the reasons they called off the relationships ― below.
1. I was succumbing to my family’s wishes instead of what I wanted.
“When I was a senior in high school, I dated the son of a very prominent member of our church. Both of our families were emotionally invested in our relationship and pushed for an engagement. So naturally, we followed through with their wishes.
I was pretty involved in my school choir and musical theater program. During the production, I became very close to the actor that portrayed my husband. It was our chemistry, the decision that I was much too young to be engaged to anyone and my separation from the church that led me to break the engagement.” ― E. Holloway
2. He developed a substance abuse problem.
