If you missed last week’s oddest outrage, GB News recently accused the National Trust of holding “the heritage of the United Kingdom in contempt.”
Their crime? All of the charity’s iconic scones use plant-based butter (marg, to you and me).
And that so-called “wokery” led presenter Dawn Neesom to ask, “Why should everyone go vegan just because a tiny minority of the country are?”
In response, the National Trust’s director of communications said on X: “The culture warriors have reached the gates of the citadel. Now our scones are ‘secretly woke’. If you come for our scones you’d best not miss. (National Trust scones have been made without butter for many years and we publish all our recipes.)”
Their most basic scone recipe does indeed use marg ― and also calls for an egg and cow’s milk, making it far from vegan.
But I thought I’d honestly review what is surely the most “woke” version on their site; their fully vegan, margarine ‘clotted cream’-crowned “creem tea” scone recipe.
After all, some things, like climate change and baked goods, should be above politics.
The recipe made me a litttttle dubious at first
As an Irish person, I grew up with elite buttermilk scones. So the sounds of an oat milk and marg concoction gave me pause.
Nonetheless, I mixed the margarine, flour, and sugar together to form fine breadcrumbs; then I slowly added the oat milk. So far, so normal.
I did find that the oat milk portion suggested in the recipe made my dough fairly sticky, so I went with a little less than recommended.
Then, after rolling the dough out (with a Lucozade bottle ― talk about disrespecting the nation), I placed the cut-out scones onto a floured baking tray and brushed them with oat milk.
Then came the cream incident
The words ”this is an institution which is charged to protect the heritage of the United Kingdom” rang through my head like a crystal-clear triangle when I messed up The National Trust’s clotted “creem.”
I was meant to whip the vanilla and margarine before I added the sugar ― but I accidentally just mixed all of them together, leading to what I think was a limper version of the actual recipe.
Nonetheless, I heaped it onto the freshly-baked scone along with some jam (and tea, of course ― I’m not a Philistine).
The point is, though, my review of it is biased ― I can’t fairly critique this part of the “secretly virtue signal[ling]” scone recipe. I just wasn’t woke enough to its instructions.
And?
And they were good, yeah!
They were nice and crunchy on the outside and tender in the middle ― I will say that the “creem” melted between the warm scone halves, but it might not have done that if I’d made it properly.
As for a Daily Mail commenter who said the vegan kinds are “not like traditional ones at all – they are flatter, drier and have an unappealing texture,” I will concede mine rose less than usual.
But the texture? That was great.
The only thing I will say, aside from my “creem” palaver, is that the vegan kinds are a little less satisfyingly golden-brown than their non-vegan counterparts.
Other than that, yeah, a great scone! So if that stunned, I’m sure their (again, definitely non-vegan) OG recipe is a surefire winner too.
And before you accuse me of “woke” bias ― Theresa May sees butter and margarine as interchangeable in her scone recipe. Proof, if you need it, that affairs of the plate transcend those of the state.