There’s a reason why speed dating and meeting IRL are making a comeback: Dating apps can be a nightmarish mix of bots, dead-end chats and dick pics.
Lucky, you can usually weed out all of the above early on in your DMs. We recently asked our readers to share the very worst first message they received on a dating app and they absolutely did not disappoint. Read ’em and weep below.
1. “I have some winners in my DMs.” ― Carmen
2. “I live in the midwest. This guy asked me what my major was and when I told him it was English, he said, ‘Ohh, say something in English for me, baby.’” ― Leslie
3. “A woman messaged me: ‘Are you sure you’re on the right dating app? You look pretty straight to me. When’s the last time you had sex with a man?’ Yes, that was the first message. I blocked and deleted.” ― Nelly Thomas, the host of the Dear Nelly podcast
4. “I have been waiting to share these with someone: I give you, the dog lover and Cuban cigar guy:” ― Emily
5. “The guy who led with, ‘You have beautiful teeth.’” ― Hillary
6. “On Match, the very first message one guy wrote me was ‘Wanna roll around with me in the hay?’ Um, no? Another’s first question was: ‘Are you naughty?’ Ugh. But equally bad was a guy on Facebook dating, who simply wrote ‘hi.’ I wrote back, ‘Hey, how’s it going?’ And he didn’t respond. Then a week later, he sent another ‘hi.’ I met someone soon after and went back on the app to delete it and saw that same guy had written ‘hi’ several more times. Just ‘hi!’ If you can’t figure out a question to ask or say something, then how do you expect anyone to connect with you?!” ― Amy Lynn Hardy, author
7. “I could find more screenshots from my time on apps, but this one takes the cake. A play on ‘Mona Lisa’ ― creative and very cringy:” ― Alyssa
8. “He asked, ‘what you up to?’ I said, ‘I’m just heading to chemistry class for uni.’ He follows up with, ‘Does that mean you can make drugs like in ‘Breaking Bad?’” ― Jasmine
9. “One guy just said, ‘Will you do me the courtesy of stepping on my face?’ I didn’t even have any feet-featuring pics on my profile! Go away, wikiFeet man.” ― Lynn
10. “For me, the unsolicited, curved, or wee penis pics are the worst.” ― Jerri
11. “How could I not save this one?” ― Bridget
12. “It wasn’t the very first DM but it was early on: ‘Good morning, my naughty friend,’ he wrote, after a perfectly pleasant hour phone call where we arranged to meet for a date. I cancelled.” ― Persephone
13. “I had a man message me after two messages to ‘have a good summer’ because talking to me felt like ‘a job interview.’” ― Linda
14. “Any time someone is sexual or vulgar on the apps ― like in the messages below ― is an immediate turn off. Sexual chemistry can’t be gauged without at least meeting in person, so regardless of how attractive (or unattractive) someone’s profile is, anything sexual feels misplaced and uncomfortable.” ― Genny Diehl, a dating coach and online dating expert
15. “There was one freak who wrote the same opener to everyone: ’Ramalamadingdong, [insert your name here]!″ — Courtney
16. “I had someone write, ‘And what are you bringing to the table? I don’t think I’m interested in anything that you’re offering.’” -- Erica Spera, co-host of the Finding Mr. Height podcast
17. “Here’s a good way not to get a response:” ― Jenna
18. “Years ago a man messaged me on Hinge asking a series of deeply researched questions like he was in a job interview. He asked what it was like growing up in my hometown, if I enjoyed being a personal assistant, and what my experience being in a sorority was like, all in the first message. The weirdest thing was, none of that information was on my dating profile! So he stalked me online, found all this info about me, and then formulated these questions. Needless to say, I was very creeped out and did not respond.” ― Mollie Biskar, the producer of the true crime dating podcast The Dating Detectives
19. “He said, ‘Your beauty has stopped me in my tracks.’ And then when I signed back on, I saw that he had unmatched with me! Poof, gone.” ― Cindy
20. “This one:” ― Charity
