Although ‘worthsplaining’ might sound like a brand new term, you might be about to discover that you’ve spent a lot of time doing it.
Ever spent a fair amount of money on a purchase and then found yourself over-explaining and justifying why you bought it? Or how about having a few days of quiet for your mental health, only to have to frantically share over and over again on WhatsApp chats why you’ve been silent? Left with that feeling of shame after justifying why you don’t have any weekend plans?
Yup, if you’re always feeling like you’re over-explaining your actions and decisions, you’ve been ‘worthsplaining’.
‘Worthsplaining’ is the tendency to over-explain things that are worthwhile and valuable to you because you fear being judged by others - and it could be a having serious impact on your mental health.
Now, one life coach has shared what ‘worthsplaining’ is doing to your wellbeing - and more importantly, how to overcome it.
Unnecessary guilt
When you’re worried about paying for bills (especially now during a cost of living crisis), treating yourself to a cup of coffee or a new pair of jeans can generate feelings of guilt. If someone asks you about your new item, you may feel the urge to justify your spending. But according to Kate MacGowan, Life Coach at employee wellbeing company, Juno, when we begin to ‘worthsplain’ our actions, rather than simply accepting and embracing our decision, we verbalise our uncertainty and undermine our decisions. In doing so, we make a non-issue feel like a big deal, and this can lead to feelings of guilt.
“When the guilt feels overwhelming, it is important to try to get to the bottom of the emotion. Ask yourself, why do I feel guilty?′ advises MacGowan. ’Does it stem from a fear of what others may think, and if so does it matter? Or is it because I actually can’t afford the thing I just bought?
“Remind yourself that your actions require no justification. Getting into this habit or positive self-talk and self-examination will help you to reframe your thoughts and escape the desire to ‘worthsplain’ your choices.”
Doing things for the wrong reason
Another classic problem with ‘worthsplaining’ is that rather than wanting to explain away yet another choice, we end up doing things we don’t want to do, just because it feels socially acceptable.
Like that party on a Saturday night, hosted by a friend of a friend you’ve only met once - you go because you couldn’t come up with a good enough excuse as to why you can’t.
According to MacGowan, that voice is not trying to tell you the right thing to do, it’s coming from a place of insecurity.
“When that feeling strikes, ask yourself, is it really necessary, am I going for the right reasons? And if not, don’t go. Get into the habit of checking in with yourself, and seeing what your real motivation is. It’s okay to be a little selfish, make sure your actions are serving you.”
Reliance on external validation
Every time you feel you have to justify your actions out loud, you are seeking the approval of others. It’s not your authentic desires and beliefs that are putting you at ease, it’s their acceptance.
Every time you needlessly ‘worthsplain’ your actions to others, you reinforce the unhealthy system you have created in your head that relies on others to validate your behaviour.
“Breaking this pattern can seem difficult, but learning to set clear boundaries is really important for protecting your mental health,” says MacGowan.
“Next time you have the urge to over explain your decision, for example, to stay in rather than go out, simply try telling your friends ‘I can’t go out tonight, I want a night in.’
“No needless justification, just the truth - that is all anyone needs from you. Every time you do this, it will get a little bit easier, and you will begin to realise you do not need external validation for your happiness.”