So we all know the overwhelming joy and love yadda yadda yadda that comes with having a baby but what about the other lesser talked about, but undeniable perks about owning a tiny person? We all know how parenting is a 24/7 job with no paid holiday or annual leave, but that doesn't mean to say there aren't some hidden benefits...
1. Supplies. You will have a never ending supply of baby wipes at your disposal. Never sleep in your make up again, use them to clean your house or take them camping if you're outdoorsy (fool).
2. The Buggy. You will essentially have a trolley you can take everywhere with you. Charge for carrier bags? Bothered. I'll just put my stuff under the buggy. Never carry a bag again. N.B. Multiple bottles of wine under a buggy can cause tipping.
3. Smells. Blame all dodgy smells on your little accomplice. Curry last night? Cue lots of nose wrinkling and 'oh I think little Marmaduke needs a change'. Utilise this one until they can talk (then they get their own back with lots of 'mummy are you doing a poo?' In public toilet cubicles. It was a wee people, proms).
4. Shopping. If you like shopping there will always be someone to shop for. They grow constantly and destroy clothes regularly. Drawback to this is that you are often accompanied by said clothes destroyer who may not share shopping enthusiasm.
5. Baby brain. I am shockingly forgetful, always have been. However, now I have a reason- baby brain. Did I forget your name? Baby brain. Did I forget your birthday? Baby brain. Did I forget to text you back? (I don't think I like you but let's say) baby brain.
6. New knowledge. You will acquire a ridiculous amount of knowledge of things you knew nothing about before. I could have a degree in baby related crap. I know about every baby related brand and could win a Mastermind round on baby paraphernalia (if it wasn't for the bloody baby brain). N.B. In Mastermind style scenario if you are in doubt of a baby product name add an 'oo' on the end, you know- a jumperoo, bugaboo, cockadoodle doo, lemmegotothefrickinloo etc etc.
So all these unexpected bonuses may not be pension contributions or private medical but who needs a company car when you have a deluxe buggy stacked with baby wipes. This is the part where I mention the yadda yadda yadda, the biggest perk of all is, of course, the little bundle of joy. If only I could remember his name.