Having a wobble? Crying at your desk? Struggling to get out of bed? We have all been there, let me comfort you and show you just how common those feelings are. I promise you, you are not alone...
I suffer from depression and have numb, strange, dull days where I can't move, I lack all motivation to do even the simplest of tasks such as eating, washing or putting on socks. If you're the same, this is not something you should feel ashamed about, please do not think less of yourself or someone else because they're feeling this way. The truth is, human beings are inherently flawed, there's so much pressure for each and every one of us to be perfect and on top of everything all the time. You're never going to have a whole week or year where every moment is perfect and you feel brilliant all the time. Some philosophers argue that this is because without the bad, we could never appreciate the good and maybe that's true. But however you want to believe that the earth came to be, however you think we got here and whatever reason you may think you're feeling like this. You are feeling like this, the first step is accepting it. Say it out loud to a friend or family member or even just an understanding looking brick wall. Say it out loud and accept that you're not feeling brilliant. It doesn't matter if you can't fully justify why you opened up the fridge and started crying or peeled an orange and got really sad, you don't always need a reason for your feelings, you don't need to justify them you just need to understand them.
Once you've accepted that you're feeling this way, try of course to do little things to make yourself feel better like running a bath or reading a book. But also understand that skin deep solutions will not always solve your problems. As much as your body may feel fabulous after, depression and complex emotions are so much more difficult to tackle than just simply slapping on some body butter and being on your way. The thing with depression is that it isn't always sadness, for me its feeling numb and flat, like a fizzy drink left out in the sun. It's not that I feel sad, it's that I feel weak and empty. And people may judge me for writing this, they may think its strange for me to talk about and maybe overly dramatic to chalk that down to such an extreme thing as depression. But depression is a complicated, multi layered disease that millions of people around the world experience every day, in totally different ways. Never let anyone dictate how you're feeling and what it all means. If you're worried about yourself, I cannot urge you enough to seek help. It may seem trivial and like no one will listen to you and trust me I had my fair share of discouraging doctors when I was younger and dealing with this. But it doesn't have to be a trained therapist or doctor. It can be a teacher, parent, friend or even your mate down the pub. Find someone to talk to who will listen and let you vent, who will give you advice and help you discover what you're really feeling.
One thing I will remind you, every storm does eventually pass and even in my darkest moments, during which I could never even imagine getting out and feeling positive, I always made it out. The storms always pass, I promise you. You can't be feeling like this forever. Find hope in the small things like your dog being silly or your postman telling you a joke, whatever little things in life you encounter that make you smile, when you're depressed they are a life line, they mean everything. Surround yourself with positive people that understand what you're going through and want to help. Even if they don't fully understand, they may just want to be there for you and that is priceless.
The way I see it is regardless of what you believe in, we were all put on this earth with purposes. And every day we are given millions of little unique opportunities and each day lots of little things are put in front of us to make us laugh or cry or get angry. But the point is, whatever you have right now, whatever cards you've been dealt, you should appreciate. You should understand that there are people in this world who have it better and worse than you, but you're not those people, you are you. You are your own brilliant person, with unique tastes and desires and those little things that life is putting out in front of you are there, existing right now for you. Like a gorgeous sunset or your favourite meal. It's hard and sometimes I struggle, but you have to appreciate what you have in this moment.
Finally, I more than most people understand what it's like to feel betrayed by your mind. Sometimes I get angry with it, blame it and feel let down. I hate that I'm not totally mentally healthy every day. But I've come so far and I've got so much further to go. Your mental health does not define you. Those tears and breakdowns, they are not who you are. You are so much more than that. Don't let the fogginess of your brain right now ruin the journey you're on. You're on the roadtrip of your life and yes there is currently some turbulence, some bumps in the road, but you will get over this. You will start to enjoy this journey soon I promise, yes the windows are dirty and the future is a bit uncertain, but soon the fog will clear and you will see exactly where you're meant to be going.