best parenting tweets

"The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up"
"A dad is never lost on a road trip. We're just exploring our options for the best route."
"Someone stop me from eating the same junk food that I just stopped my kid from eating."
"The kids were asking me what time they were all born and I said the youngest was born at 1:29am, and they all agreed that it must have been nice that she just came out while I was sleeping."
"Not my parents getting same-day delivery on a Lite Brite for my kids when I spent two years asking for one in the '90s."
"No parenting books or conversations ever prepared me for what to do when I hear "I was bored so I woke the baby up."
"My teen hasn’t finished cleaning her room but she did prepare a PowerPoint for why she needs her own Instagram account."
"My 6yo doesn't want to go to the park because he's tired of wearing sun scream."
"When my 4yo woke up, she said 'I'm so excited for my party today,' and I have no idea what she's talking about."
"Should I be disturbed by the way my 8-year-old daughter plays doctor? I was her patient today, and she just made me fill out forms the whole time."