funniest tweets
"I love when my husband says, 'correct me if I’m wrong,' like I would pass up that opportunity."
"A cool thing about being a parent is that I don’t have to buy a Halloween costume because I naturally look like a zombie from The Walking Dead."
"Parenting: because sleep is unnecessary and who needs money."
"I promised my husband a real show in the bedroom tonight. I hope he loves sock puppets."
"'Why don't you ever tweet nice stuff about your kids?' asked my idiot daughter."
"I’ve forgotten how to talk to people in person. What do I do with my arms?"
"We have reached the point where my wife is buying Tupperware to store more Tupperware."
"Found my missing cardigan when my sister posted a FB pic of her wearing it."
"Every morning my cat wakes up and screams until somebody sits in the living room with him."
"2020 was a kinda bad year for me but a really good year for my dog who did not have to be alone for a single second."