student
'Colleges are afraid to ban me outright.'
The 22-year-old was found unconscious by friends after 'attending a drinking party'.
'I'm 100% sure that's my future wife.'
'We watch a lot of Star Trek together.'
Clue: it appears a lot of them aren't taking the news well.
"I had one nap and now I'm five weeks behind on uni work."
Well, that was unexpected.
'UCL, UCL, don't put us in climate hell.'
How to write a 5,000 word essay in two hours.
Don't worry, it all works out in the end.