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"We put new shelves in the garage and have talked for 3 days about what a game changer they are. This is peak marriage."
"I can raise kids just fine, but keeping plants alive that only need to be watered once a month is apparently out of my reach."
"The first rule of parent club is you never tell anyone that you're going to the bathroom."
"No parenting book tells you how to get pudding out of the charging port of an iPad."