"Can't sleep because it's too hot; can't open the window in case spiders crawl in."
"My daughter calls deodorant 'arm makeup'. You're welcome."
"Thoughts and prayers to my husband who just said I was 'over reacting.'"
"Welcome to parenthood. You just stepped in a puddle. Inside your house."
"Dropping my daughter off at camp and she’s a little anxious. Told her to find the biggest camper and start a fight to establish dominance."
Who would play you in the film of your own life? Oh, wait, you already are.
Twitter users have pointed out Hancock's video looks very familiar.
"Everyone always says I look tired in every photo and video and first of all, I am. second of all, that’s just my face."
"'Why don't you ever tweet nice stuff about your kids?' asked my idiot daughter."
"Nobody likes them. I mean nobody."