I was 18-years-old when I was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma, a cancer of the lymphatic system. I was at university in 2004 studying a history degree when a biopsy on a lump on my neck confirmed the worst.
What followed would change my life in every conceivable way. The treatment was gruelling - I had to wear a mask and be fixed down onto a table when I was having radiotherapy. The chemotherapy also meant that I lost my hair, I was unbelievably tired and I was constantly sick. But, I suffered more psychologically than physically. And that's why 12 years later, I became a psychiatric doctor.
For my own emotional wellbeing, I dealt with my diagnosis by wanting to know exactly what was happening at every stage. I asked what had caused the cancer in the first place, how the drugs would kill the cancer cells and what the side-effects would be. I trusted the doctors implicitly and I was consistently amazed at the impact they had on the lives of their patients, often thinking that I would love to be able to do that in a job.
After my treatment ended, I was really scared of the cancer returning. I checked my body for lumps, often repeatedly throughout the day. I booked emergency appointments, I couldn't sleep and I generally just couldn't function. My doctor diagnosed me with depression and anxiety so I started taking antidepressants and I had cognitive behavioural therapy.
I graduated from university in 2006 and immediately knew my next step - I wanted to study medicine, inspired by the amazing medical team who had saved my life. Science had been far from my best subject in school so I was worried about what my friends and family would think. But, everyone was so supportive and, two years later, I was back in the lecture theatre. I had to do a foundation year to make up for my lack of an A-level in science but even the thought of six more years of studying didn't deter me.
I worked and trained to become a pharmacy technician at Queen's Hospital in Burton-on-Trent, which is where I had received chemotherapy. I worked alongside some of the medical team who had treated me, including my consultant haematologist, haematology sister and my Macmillan nurse, Pat. I made a specific point of returning to the hospital where I had been treated - the place which had made me sick just thinking about it. I needed to get over my fear and not let the cancer control me.
At first, I worked in various areas of cancer care. I did a general surgery placement where I met people having operations for colorectal cancer. I spent four months with the Psychological Medicine Research team at the University of Oxford, which involved examining the psychological impact of cancer. I thought about specialising in oncology for a long time but I felt like that would be just too close to the bone. Psychiatry was my calling.
Throughout my treatment, Macmillan Cancer Support have helped me massively. My Macmillan nurse, Pat, was there for my family and I every step of the way, giving me information which not only helped me to understand what was happening but also initially sparked my interest in medicine. I also claimed a Macmillan grant to help pay for travel between university and the different hospitals where I was being treated. With only a student loan coming in, Macmillan's support meant I could continue with my studies. Now, as a psychiatrist, when I help patients with cancer I would always direct them to get support from Macmillan Cancer Support.
My experience with cancer certainly has made me think about my role as a doctor in a different way. I think that it helps to inform my decision making and I can also look my patients in the eye and genuinely empathise with them having been through it all myself. I take extra care to explain things in a simple and straightforward way and to answer all the questions people may have because I know just how important that is. I want to empower patients by giving them as much knowledge and understanding as possible as this was crucial to my own coping strategy during my treatment. There are times when I meet people who remind me of myself when I was ill. I have recently started working with children and young people more because I can use my own experience to better relate to what they are going through.
Cancer is tough. I hated it. It led to one of the most negative periods of my life. But, I turned it into a positive. There is no doubt, no doubt at all, that if I had not had cancer I would not be where I am today.
Anyone affected by cancer can call Macmillan Cancer Support on 0808 808 0000 or visit macmillan.org.uk