In My Story, readers share their unique, life-changing experiences. This week we hear from Maura Jackson, 52, who lives in Bolton.
The first time I remember thinking I was fat, I was wearing a skirt that was too tight – it was a size 12 and I was probably a size 14. A boy made a comment about the size of my belly in this skirt and it went downhill after that. I was only 13 or 14 years old.
Back then, there were no mobile phones, there was no internet. There were magazines and television, but only four channels. You weren’t exposed to the amount of reality stars and everyone having an opinion on what you look like.
Now, I am a grandparent of two children aged 12 and five, and my eldest grandchild is a girl. She’s coming up to that age where social media is becoming a thing.
People didn’t talk when I was younger. My mum didn’t even tell me about periods – somebody else at school told me. I taught my daughter about sex and contraception and all the rest of it.
And now we are special guardians to our grandchildren, they live with us, and I’m going to have to do it all again. But we’re in a different world now than when I did it the first time around.
Last year, a friend of mine sent out an email to about 20 people and said she’d heard Channel 4 were looking for women to talk about their menopause experiences for a new programme that was going to be airing. The show was called Naked Education.
On a whim, I responded straight away and said she could give them my details. They came back in two days and said they’d like to have a conversation.
I spoke to a lady on the phone who then set me up with a Zoom casting call the following day – they were trying to work out people’s motivation for wanting to be on TV, while explaining the premise of the show and what it’s for.
And when they were describing it, I thought: actually, I really want to take part in this. They were talking about something that was educational, that was pushing body positivity, and challenging stereotypes and the position that some people are in where image is king.
In the job that I have as the chief exec of a housing scheme for homeless young people, we are constantly having conversations with young people about mental health and wellbeing, finances and how to live independently.
And some of the stuff that comes out of those conversations is that a young person will have rent arrears or not have food in because they’ve spent their money on hair extensions, acrylic nails, fillers or spray tans.
Young people are prioritising image over food. And this isn’t exclusive to young people in crisis, it’s a national epidemic. Feeling good about yourself shouldn’t be based on looks, weight or shape. It should be about health, wellbeing and purpose.
I wanted to go on TV and show it’s what we do and say that counts, not what we look like.
The episode aired in early May this year. I was with two other women and we sat and discussed where we each were in the menopause, symptoms, what we’d heard about it from other people, what it felt like and the impact on our bodies.
I was a bit nervous to go on it. I’d made clear I wasn’t going to be naked, I was going to be in underwear – and they were alright with that. I didn’t know if I was going to be meeting ladies in the nude or in underwear. But when we got out there, all three of us were in underwear – one of them was in Spanx.
I brought my cheeky sense of humour into it and think this helped to put the other two ladies at ease as they laughed, sharing stories and funny experiences, rather than taking themselves too seriously – even though the message was a serious one.
I told them how I have to pay the grandchildren to scratch me with a debit card to relieve the itching – a symptom I didn’t even know was attached to menopause, but blimey we live and learn.
I’m a size 24 and menopausal and my granddaughter can see that. Being on the show opened up a lot of conversations with her. She asked me about the menopause and I described it as a reversal of what she’s going through now, which is puberty.
She’s watched some of the programmes with me and alopecia featured in there, another one talked about cosmetic surgery. We talked about how one of the kids in her year has had lip fillers – they’re 12.
My granddaughter believes she’s fat, so one of the most important outcomes was being able to have conversations with her about being proud of her body and self-love.
When our grandchildren first moved in, they were on a care order for a period of time, and had to be weighed and measured and we had a letter sent home saying she was classed as ‘overweight’ for her age group. She read it and was absolutely heartbroken.
“If you’re wearing a size bigger jeans than another person, who really gives a toss?”
At the time, I told her these letters meant nothing – they were just a statutory function to let us know her weight. I managed to intervene with the others and got them sent privately to us, because the first one they’d sent home from school without an envelope.
I think someone at school had also said something to her because all of a sudden she was saying ‘no I don’t want to eat that’ and ‘no I’m not hungry’.
We’ve had a chat since then that if people have something to say, just ignore it because every body is different – every body will require different amounts of fuel. Two people can eat the same amounts of food in the day and one will gain weight and one won’t.
I talked to her about metabolism, but then said to her that the focus needs to be on being healthy and strong. If you’re wearing a size bigger jeans than another person, who really gives a toss?
Going on the programme has made me approach the subject of body image in a new way I’d not been able to do before.
I’m using different language to talk to her about her body and promoting health and wellbeing and happiness, and making sure that I’m not just talking about food as fuel, and emphasising there’s a balance – we all love a Big Mac, but we also have lots of fruit and vegetables.
I’ve also cut out the language about ‘being good today’ around food. There’s no more on-the-wagon language about dieting.
I’ve been dieting for 30 years, I don’t want that for her. She’s healthy, she’s gorgeous, she needs to be focused on her education and friendships and having a great time – not what waist size she’s got.
Maura Jackson is a stand-up comedian on a mission to normalise menopause – not just for women, but for men too. As she says: “If we don’t, the risks are that we suffer alone or worse, dumb ourselves down. I am not going to let either happen.” She is also the chief executive of Backup North West charity.
She was interviewed by Natasha Hinde and her answers were edited for length and clarity. To take part in HuffPost UK’s My Story series, email uklife@huffpost.com.