hpw tweets
"crazy that my body cant tell the difference between answering a text and being chased in the woods"
'If anyone giving my eulogy says I lit up a room, just know that is not true.'
"Having a random hobby as an adult is actually hilarious. You’ll be having a day delivered directly from hell but then gotta suck it up to get to tap class by 6:30pm."
"female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder"
"Oh you won a gold medal at the Olympics? My watch just congratulated me for standing up"
"Shazam but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me"
"what is so realistic about sex and the city is her friends never read her little articles"
"Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body."
"i loveeee topo chico because it’s like… what if water fought you when you tried to drink it"
"when people give me directions and they’re like 'you can’t miss it' i’m like, oh you do not know what i’m capable of"