Twitter

"Thinking about how many times my dating life has been used as a storytime to my friends’ significant others."
"When I want to live on the edge, I drink coffee out of my wife's favorite coffee mug."
Two shocking attacks have pushed the government into action to protect the public.
"My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children"
"Life with astigmatism is more romantic because every light is a twinkle light."
Critics are firing back after he threatened to sue one of his company's most prominent critics.
"'You’re not the boss of me!' I say to my wife assertively, when we both know good and well that she is."
The former president returned to the platform for the first time since he was banned in January 2021.