funny tweets
"Hell hath no fury like a toddler whose sibling is looking out the car window that isn't theirs to look out of."
"i may look normal, but i meow back at cats"
"My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke"
"Barbenheimer is the closest we’ve come to having school spirit week as adults"
"Having a tough day today. My kid told me I have 'the stinkiest butt on planet Earth' and he’s just a little kid but if he’s right this is devastating news."
"I share tweets with my offline bf the way cats bring dead birds to their humans as a ~gift~"
"I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half."
"i love when my cat and I are both napping at the same time. solidarity."
"My daughter called children’s liquid ibuprofen 'pain juice' and I’m contacting their marketing department to suggest a permanent name change."
Why are they like this?