funny tweets
"'You’re not the boss of me!' I say to my wife assertively, when we both know good and well that she is."
"if cats are the perfect predators why do they keep getting a single claw stuck on my shirt"
"On the first day of school you cry because your babies are growing up too fast, but after the 1st week of school you're like get out of my car."
"The day my toddler started asking 'what’s that?' was the day I realized how little I know about everything."
"loveee when dogs make little circles over and over to get cozy and comfy like that is so me"
"it happened to me: i finally answered an email i had been putting off & the person responded right away & now i'm back to square one"
"The kids are asking for fun shaped sandwiches for their back-to-school lunches and I’m so flattered they’ve mistaken me for the kind of mother who would do that"
"Are people in Europe dehydrated all the time? They are so stingy with water and the cups are so small. I am thirsty just thinking about being in France again."
"Summers as a child seemed to last a life time, now it's like 3 consecutive Saturday birthday parties, a picnic and back to school."
“When a small kid is struggling to walk a big dog, dads are required to ask ‘Who’s walking who?’”