funny tweets
"i love when my cat and I are both napping at the same time. solidarity."
"My daughter called children’s liquid ibuprofen 'pain juice' and I’m contacting their marketing department to suggest a permanent name change."
Why are they like this?
"'The Bear' but for that one soft serve ice cream shop in a small town that stays open past 9pm in the summers."
Sixth Sense, eat your heart out.
"The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy."
"Statements only heard at parent dinner parties, I'll go first: 'Poison control are always just the nicest people'"
"My husband just very sincerely yelled from the kitchen, 'I'm putting a glass of iced tea in the fridge. Just don't want you to think it's pee and throw it out.'"
"I’m freezing: a memoir about office culture."
"Seeing a dalmation does feel like meeting a celeb I can’t explain it."