funny tweets
"I wish they sold off-brand cars I'll get me a damn Honder"
"Ever put your kid to bed and realize an hour later you’re still watching SpongeBob?"
"Coffee is good but nothing wakes you up harder than the adrenaline of searching for a piece of your kid’s sports uniform on Saturday morning."
"My 3-year-old came to tell me there was a 'big big chicken' in our yard and you will never guess what it actually was."
"Do we all call our boy cats 'mister man'"
"overheard a girl step outside where it’s a little chilly and say 'it’s giving jacket'"
“Wow, Mom, you have a really hairy butt!"
"I had no plans today. My wife found out and boy did I have a lot of plans today I didn't know about."
"Hell hath no fury like a toddler who lost the chance to push a button"
“Dogs be like ‘yeah I got faux pas'.”