funny tweets
"Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates."
"You never thought you'd say things like, 'I'm going to cut Christmas right out of the calendar' but here we are."
'I actually asked for a vacuum for Christmas but my husband laughed and told me he isn’t that stupid'
That's nepotism, baby.
"Every time I date a guy I end up accidentally giving my friends a new enemy."
"'I better not shout, I better not cry,’ I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time."
"If you enjoy catering to the whims of someone who is illogical, insistent, and mostly incomprehensible, parenting a toddler is the perfect gig."
"I’m recording a parenting album called Broken Record."
"A bit of snow and this country truly melts 😬"
"My kid is shopping for a winter coat that will match his shorts and flip flops."