funny tweets
"If your sex life has never suffered because you get themes from kids’ TV shows lodged in your brain at key moments, well then you aren’t me."
"My toddler mooed at me as I stepped out the shower."
"I’m writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests."
"boyfriend is out hunting (picking up food order) while I am domesticating wild beasts (giving cat little kisses)"
"My toddler is pretending to cook a meal and it involves a lot of screaming and throwing food in a pot. She gets it."
We're already posting memes to say we're going to miss the memes, dammit.
“I’ll be like ‘yeah this is my emotional support animal’ and it’s just a cat who actively works to make my life more difficult”
"My husband asked me to stop being passive aggressive to my mother-in-law, but without that we’d have no relationship."
"Kids should come with a 'skip intro' button for their stories"
"My fashion decisions have gone from 'Is it cute?' to “Is it comfy?” to 'Did anybody see me wear this yesterday?'”