funny tweets
"A group of hippopotamuses is called a bloat. I think I’ve found my people."
"Did your parents tell you the black seeds in watermelon would grow a watermelon in your stomach too?"
"My kids fighting for 20 minutes over who gets to help me vacuum is the definition of a mixed blessing."
"All I need to do is tell my husband I found a recipe on TikTok and he will definitely make dinner."
"My 4-year-old forgot the word microwave & called it a warm fridge instead."
"Our new favorite game in our marriage is where we both lie in bed as still as possible in hopes that the other person will finally give in and take the puppy out to pee."
"'I'll see you later today' I whisper, as I pack a sandwich in my kid's lunchbox."
"Motherhood has enhanced my creativity... I wrote a song titled 'We Don’t Need To Scream; We Can Whisper And Make Soft Sounds'"
"So excited for my kids to return to school so I can spend my free time reading the 50 emails their school sends each day"
The European leader promised she "did nothing illegal" amid ongoing backlash.