funny tweets
"Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice"
"Car trips with my wife are great ‘cause I get to listen to 10 seconds each of 400 songs she hates."
"I used the old 'I gave birth to you' on my daughter, she said 'That was one time.'"
"Thinking about the time my 3yo forgot the name for chicken nuggets and called them 'orange meat cookies'."
"My child is disappointed to learn that I, a burn surgeon, have never treated someone for a lava-related injury."
"A podcast, but it's just 45 minutes of me asking my wife where various things are in the house."
"Me *secures my kid's seat belt*. My kid: Are we there yet?"
"Always so humbling when the stupid little walk I go on for my stupid mental health actually makes me feel better."
"I'm just a mom standing in front of this car asking my kids not to fight on this road trip."
"My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same."