funny tweets
"Weird pregnancy craving of the day: Chinese food and mashed potatoes. At the same time."
"My kid told me he deserved more cheese and who am I to argue with that"
"Shout out to all the lucky ones working from home today in their pants."
"It’s like the pollen has been lifting weights."
"In case you were on the fence about having kids, my 3-year-old threw a temper tantrum because her tongue is pink."
"Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife's plans for the second time."
"My 7yo is pretty condescending for somebody who still needs to be reminded to go to the bathroom."
"How do I explain that, no, it's not a Covid cough, I just don't know how to swallow my own spit."
"Sorry i was weird last night. it was to move the plot forward."
"Why can't I pay my bills by posting cat pics on Twitter. What am I doing wrong here?"