Funny Tweets
“'This is not what I meant by sharing' I yell at my kids after catching the fifth cold of the school year."
"I did a lot of stupid shit before I was married too. Now I just have someone who judges me for it."
"No one wants to take medicine more than the healthy sibling of a sick kid."
"My toddler insisted he had to take off all his clothes to go into the 'dressing' room. Solid logic, really."
"No one has more s**t on their to-do list than a kid who’s just been told it’s bedtime."
"I wish I loved anything as much as my husband loves asking me questions about movies he’s watching that I’ve never seen before."
"It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'"
"My son just said Ikea is grownup Legos and I’ve never felt more connected and seen."
"Marriage is wearing the same shirt for three days in a row and on the third day, your husband asking if you got a new shirt."
"Have kids so they can interrupt your meeting to remind you that triceratops was the horniest dinosaur."