funny tweets
"The award for Best Actor goes to my husband for his role in 'I’m Not Sleeping. I’m Just Resting My Eyes.'"
"Parents, you can still do all the things you used to love. There's just a kid screaming in the background now."
"This morning I sat up from a laying down position and my two year old yelled, 'You did it!'"
'My 4 year old got into some glitter. He is now fabulous until further notice."
"Was enjoying playing legos with my son until my wife tapped me on the shoulder and said he went outside an hour ago."
"Having kids involved in sports is fun if you like coming home & making dinner at 10pm."
"I woke up, saw my toddler’s shadow, and predicted six more cups of coffee."
"As a child I really thought the Bermuda Triangle was going to pose a lot more problems for me than it actually has."
“My main problem with dating apps is I’m pitching a product I don’t really believe in"
"Nobody told me parenting would involve dumping out so many glasses of water."