funny tweets
"I couldn’t sleep last night because my husband was breathing too quietly... I’ve unlocked a new level of marriage."
"Foreplay in your 40s is sending your wife photos of walk-in closets."
Want to know what married life is really like? Allow the spouses of Twitter to explain.
The days between Christmas and New Year's can feel weird — especially if you are stuck working.
"Parenting books should be legally required to display the number of children the author has."
"The feminine urge to flee the country and become a sheep herder in New Zealand."
"I feel like the answer to every how-to beauty article in a women's magazine is 'have a lot of money'."
"I have been blocked on Instagram by my thirteen year old. A person I literally made."
"Daylight savings, where 7am is now 6am and 5pm is now midnight."
"Working from home today and I can hear my husband chewing gum from his office from 1400 feet away."