funny tweets

"My 4yo keeps calling our new puppy 'the puplett' – no one correct her."
"Kids movies really made me believe that the greatest threats on earth were dogcatchers and quicksand."
"My toddler threw a clipboard at me.This is no way for a boss to treat an unpaid intern."
"Makeup tip: For clump-free application of mascara do not apply mascara."
"Wife and I are drinking outside on the deck and the neighbours are also outside having a massive argument so looks like our night just planned itself."
These tweets sum up the highs and lows of being in your 30s.
If you've embarked on the journey of plant ownership, these tweets will resonate.
"I haven't tried skydiving but I imagine the rush is like joining a zoom meeting with your camera already on."
"I need an alarm clock that doesn't wake me up at 5am asking for Cheerios."
"Looks like it’s time to tell my son that I get a weekly report of what he googles."