funny tweets
"if i were a cat i’d be scared and puffed up all the time"
"On todays flight I met a cat flying in first class who will be walking in NY and Paris fashion weeks. Life is a bountiful buffet."
"My five year old keeps asking about our plans 'over the holidays.' By 'the holidays' she's referring to her birthday next month."
"Tired of age gap discourse. now let’s do vibes gap discourse, where one person in a couple lights up a room and the other is basically a sim."
Vapers found shaking, crying, throwing up.
"My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children"
"No one is living a better life than the dog of a married couple who have decided not to have kids."
"I hate to say it, but ever since Blake Shelton was named sexiest man alive things have been in shambles."
"I love when families have one or a few standardly named children and one totally out-there-named child and you're just like....what happened here."
"My 9yo just told me: 'Thank you, Catherine Obvious.' I’m not correcting her."