funny tweets
"a candle is just a pet fire"
"My son just informed me it’s illegal for 9 year olds to eat broccoli."
"My 3yo (who is extremely clean for a toddler) keeps crying at mealtimes because 'I don’t like watching the baby eat, she’s so messy' and honestly, same."
"if i were a cat i’d be scared and puffed up all the time"
"On todays flight I met a cat flying in first class who will be walking in NY and Paris fashion weeks. Life is a bountiful buffet."
"My five year old keeps asking about our plans 'over the holidays.' By 'the holidays' she's referring to her birthday next month."
"Tired of age gap discourse. now let’s do vibes gap discourse, where one person in a couple lights up a room and the other is basically a sim."
Vapers found shaking, crying, throwing up.
"My child is crying because her Pokémon are too weak and one thing nobody ever told me about parenting is how hard it is not to laugh at your children"
"No one is living a better life than the dog of a married couple who have decided not to have kids."