tweet
"My oldest child calls me 'Dad', the middle calls me 'Daddy', and my youngest calls me 'Can I Have A Snack?'"
"Marked safe from taking my kids grocery shopping on a Saturday afternoon."
"Men are addicted to taking horrible pictures of you that will ruin your entire day."
"My husband can’t hear me from three feet away, but can hear a chip bag crinkle from the other side of the house."
"Apparently you can’t complain to the restaurant staff about the loud kids when they are yours."
"My 6yo searching frantically for his backpack while wearing his back pack is a whole 'Is it summer break yet?' mood."
"Marriage is between two people: one person who is on the verge of sleep and one person who is asking if the front door is locked."
"My 8yo singing Howareyouyeah instead of Hallelujah is the rewrite we all needed."
"I don’t need Pinterest school lunch ideas. I need 'Oh the bus is here' school lunch ideas."
"Rule #27 of marriage is clear: Dessert that is mine is only mine; dessert that is his is also mine."